Virgin Isles

After reading your other poem "Body Image" I decided to peruse your other work and I'm extremely pleased that I did.

This is exceptional!
I can not get over how well written this is. I realize that I'm late to the party and changes have been made but I'm actually a little glad that I came after this pieces editing because its just so flawless.

You have a serious talent when it comes to alluding. As someone that is very familiar with the lure of forbidden fruit, especially that has been untouched, this just spoke volumes. However I think you did a well enough job that someone who is not sexually experienced can enjoy this poem just as much, if not more, in an innocent way.

As a side note I would like to ask permission to publish this on my guilty pleasure, NSFW, tumblog; with credit given where credit is due of course. If I may, just let me know how you would like to be credited. If not I totally understand!

Hi there ^-^ Nice to meet you. This is my first review on any of your word so I'll give it my best. And also, Happy review day c: (I have to do this every review, sorry: Go team Tsunami Tyrants! Woooooo!)
I. LOVE. THIS. PIECE.
This is sensational. I've never said this more sincerely to any writer here before, but you have marked this piece with your own style. I've never read a more enjoyable piece, and I'm honestly looking forward to more of your work. You have serious talent and skill. Such a gifted writer, and I'm amazed at how you crafted this piece together. Well done!
Your work all looks promising and I can't wait to read more c:
And I have no criticism for you lol sorry, sorry--but I suppose this is a good thing! There's nothing I can say that would help you improve this, this is lovely. You're one of those gem writers that I only find once in a while.
Truly,

Catnip~

Hi there!

Suspensefully, he extends his toe
and dips the tip gingerly in
the clear, still waters that lay below,
to mar the surface with a sin. great word choices here. I'm really not sure what the word mar means, but it sound cool!

The ripples dance like shock-waves, sin, I really don't think this word is needed. It's confusing when reading the next line. You end this one suggesting that these shock-waves are in something and then you talk about them spreading. Those are opposites and don't go well together.
spreading, deepening, as they grow. I like how you broke up these two lines. It flows well like this.
Reaching places they've never been,
where none before have dared to go.

As captains sail uncharted waters,
as children trudge through fresh-laid snow,
as young men chase the farmers' daughters, this stanza of similes continuing over many lines is great. I like the concept and it really ties the entire stanza together.
so too do some men long to know:

The grip of a maiden expedition,
of being where no one has been before.
Of volcanoes erupting, of nuclear fission,
and washing up, sated, upon Heaven's shores.

Hello, here's my review for your work today

I don't see any major problems, your punctuation though, needs some looking over in the second and fourth stanza.
Like the "shock-waves, in," (stanza 2)
and the fullstops that divide both the stanzas mid-way -
I couldn't understand why you had done so.
The fullstops tend to break the flow of the idea mid-way and don't create a separate sentence after the stop so I suppose the fullstops aren't required there or chould be replaced with semi-colons.


Hope this helps, hope to see more from you and best of luck

Hello there! My name is Ariel and I'm here to review your work. c:

So, overall, it was very nice, indeed! I found no grammar mistakes of any type (spelling, punctuation, etc.), so that is great! Your use of imagery here was wonderful and I thank you for painting me a nice pitcture by being descriptive! Also, I'm glad you used some advance words, it always makes the stroies and poems sound more sophisticated when using "big" words, no?

Suspenseful, he extends his toe

For some reason, that first sentence makes it feel put off. I do think a different word for suspenseful would work better, here. It just throws the entire context of the sentence off, in my opinion. Maybe this would work better.:

Hesitantly, he extended his toe

Another nitpick was the following sentence..

and dips the tip gingerly in

Again, this threw me off. "Dips" and "tips" are too similar in rhyming. I have no alternate suggestion, though, since you clearly have an ABAB rhyme scheme going here, and "in" must rhyme with "sin".

Speaking of rhyme sceme, what happened here?:

The ripples dance like shock-waves, out,
spreading, deepening, as they grow.
Reaching places they've never been,
where none before have dared to go.

As you can tell by the bolded words, I want to touch upon "out" and "been". Why don't those two rhyme? All of the other stanzas od the poem have an ABAB rhyme scheme going, and this stanza disrupts the flow. I suggest fixing those two words, or maybe the entire stanza, so it both fits in with your poem and rhymes.

Fix this:

As Captains sail uncharted waters,

"Captains" need not be capitalized here, you should lowercase the C.

Also, this:

The grip of a maiden expedition,
of being where no one has been before,.
Of volcanoes erupting, of nuclear fission,
and washing up, sated, on Heaven's shores.

Well, that's it! I really liked this poem, and great job! Nice work.

xx Ariel.