Young Writers Society

Home » Forums » Special Events » NaPoWriMo

saturn is home, and all is well



User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Wed Mar 13, 2019 5:11 pm
View Likes
niteowl says...



The title comes from an astrological phenomenon known as the "Saturn Return". When you're around 28 years old, Saturn returns to where it was in your birth chart, which is supposed to be this awful time of upheaval and karmic justice. But actually, this year has been pretty good. Maybe Saturn's happier because it's in its ruling sign Capricorn. Maybe the planets saw what happened in 2015-2016 and thought I'd been through enough. Or maybe astrology is a bunch of baloney. Whatever the case, it makes a cool thread title.

Previous threads
all the thoughts you wish weren't real (2018, not completed)
buried under the coffee table (2017, completed)
the (non) master of my own (sham) destiny (2016, completed)
often wandering, still quite lost (2015, not completed)
Niteowl's Nest (2014, not completed)
Niteowl's Nonsensical Nothingness (2013, probably not completed)
Nite's Poetry Dumpster (2008, not completed, and wow I actually have grown in 11 years, who knew? )
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Mon Apr 01, 2019 4:54 pm
View Likes
niteowl says...



Let's begin by musing about beginnings.

Beginnings are supposed to be sweet,
like that first bite of chocolate,
the buzz of a first kiss on your lips,
the perfectly arranged outfit of your first day at school,
the honey words of a wedding toast.

But when you look back, you are bitter
because you know how it ends,
with an empty wrapper and an unsatisfied stomach,
or goodbye without so much as a hug,
the backpack in chaos as summer approaches,
the dotted line on divorce papers
(or worse, the unhappy anniversary party).

And yet, somehow, we continue to hope,
to find joy in small treats,
in a new first kiss,
in a new school year outfit,
in a renewed promise of forever.

Even after all the endings,
somehow,
we always begin again.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
24 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4033
Reviews: 24
Tue Apr 02, 2019 4:35 am
View Likes
paperforest says...



This is such a lovely beginning, niteowl! I love how it acknowledges these bitter truths and yet still ends with such beautiful hope. And I really like the phrase "honey words" and how it fits back with beginnings being sweet!
  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Tue Apr 02, 2019 4:51 pm
View Likes
niteowl says...



Thanks @paperforest! I'm kind of surprised people like it...I feel like it could be so much better.

Now on to one of my favorite topics:

for all the times i should have known better

desire fades day by day.

it begins in the high of being near you,
followed by the torment of reminding myself
over and over
that you are only here because you have to be
(and no one would ever choose to stay).

it should end when you leave,
but somehow it lingers on week after week,
as i look for you in unfamiliar faces,
though my inner logician knows
you will never return
(and even if you did, it wouldn't matter).

the pain dulls
into a tiny but constant ache
that only sharpens when i hear that song
or hear a name too much like yours
(and think about how you don't care to remember).

when it leaves, i don't even notice
until i wake up and realize
that you were in my dreams again,
and i feel only confusion
in place of longing
(except now there is another face
and the pointless pain begins anew).
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Wed Apr 03, 2019 4:17 pm
View Likes
niteowl says...



i am agreeable,
almost to a fault,
except when someone suggests
i might be more than worthless.

then i am forced to fight
for there is years of evidence
to the contrary.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Thu Apr 04, 2019 4:40 pm
View Likes
niteowl says...



if you think of me at all
(you don't, but if you did)

remember me as brave,
not foolish,

because even if i was sick,
even if i was misguided at best,
i don't regret that november day
when i knocked on your door.

my friend,
i remember you as beautiful and kind
even as you bruised my heart,
and though i will not, cannot, forget your name,
i hope only that you are well.

Spoiler! :
Okay so the weirdest thing happened at work yesterday. The now-wife of the former unrequited love that inspired this poem may have responded to one of the random mailings I have to do for work. The name and location seems to fit, but it could be someone else entirely and just a random coincidence. It's unlikely I'll have to end up calling her, but it shook me up nonetheless.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
852 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 21955
Reviews: 852
Fri Apr 05, 2019 5:13 am
View Likes
alliyah says...



Ahhh that last poem </3 I like it's simplicity & vulnerability; pulls at the heart-strings. The 2nd & 3rd also I think do a great job of clearly stating emotion, but giving some complexity in there too.

I also enjoy what you're doing with parenthetical lines in a few of these, it makes for almost a second inner voice - which is a cool layer to read them with. Lovely work so far Nite!
but i don't think i can ever love someone
who doesn't understand that teal
is a different color than dark cyan.


  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Fri Apr 05, 2019 4:12 pm
View Likes
niteowl says...



Thanks @alliyah! I really don't know if I like these yet, and the parentheses are sort of a bad writing habit of mine lol.

some angst i'm calling a poem

it is lunchtime on friday
and i find myself wondering
if this is all i can be.

i was told i could be anything,
that i was so smart,
that ACTs and GPAs were all i needed.

but when i tried to be something more,
i failed.

it's been three years since the pink slip
and yet it haunts me
because now i'm almost thirty
and making less than i did as a student.

i could go back to school,
learn to code
(that's where the money is,
or so they say)
but even if i could reprogram the world,
i'd still mess up the interviews.

here is okay,
even if i'm rushing in every morning
like a child who can't tell time.
here, they like me
though i can't imagine why,
as i can't even leave a normal-sounding voicemail.

underpaid is better than nothing,
better than drowning in chemicals
or getting fired with no second chances,

but it hurts when once upon a time,
you were told you could be great.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Sat Apr 06, 2019 11:52 pm
View Likes
niteowl says...



this poem is more than you deserve

my dear,
i am just writing to inform you
that i threw our story away.

you might be horrified
(but not surprised)
to know that i wrote you letters
that you were never meant to read,
even as insanity
planted its lesions in my brain.

i offered my heart to you
in drunken dorm room floor tears,
but you didn't want it.

i called myself a genius once,
but it took me too long to figure out
that obvious truth.

when i read them,
i laughed
and decided i didn't want to remember,
so into the white garbage bag it went.

but as i kept going
through the remnants of the decades,
i realized that those letters
are a treasure.

they are not our story,
for that was never written,
but they are part of me,
my voice,
my story.

i will never be the girl who loved you again,
but she was me once,
so i will carry her with me.

sincerely no longer yours,
the girl who drove you mad

Spoiler! :
also see On Cigarettes and Limerence. There is another Camp NaPo poem I wrote about this person, but I haven't posted it properly yet. Credit to @alliyah for writing about nonsense in journals and reminding me of how i fished a journal I had ambivalent feelings about out of the garbage
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Mon Apr 08, 2019 2:27 am
View Likes
niteowl says...



Today we're going on my tried and true NaPo technique: using the Poetic Line Generator! poem_firstline.php

some prompts to maybe try later
Spoiler! :

"men dressed in the color of wanting turn under a cloudless sky,"
"flickering lights of death escape in the streets,
the young ones of time rejoice in your forgotten dreams,
women of harmony touch in the moonless night,
snowflakes of death whisper unseen by anyone but you,
poets of winter hurt before dawn,


if i sleep,
i will forget the words
that built up inside of me
like snow in the winter.

soon april will come
and we will write again.

now, the rain tells me
that spring is here,
so now i must find
the words that sustained me
through the long nights i couldn't sleep.

Spoiler! :
Er yeah it's not good that I'm already writing a poem about writer's block on Day 7. And I didn't like the poetic line generator as much as I have in the past. It is very death obsessed.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Mon Apr 08, 2019 4:01 pm
View Likes
niteowl says...



Well, this might be the most weird experimental poem I have ever written. This is based on a prompt which includes the following 20 items in a poem.
Spoiler! :
1. Begin the poem with a metaphor.
2. Say something specific but utterly preposterous.
3. Use at least one image for each of the five senses, either in succession or scattered randomly throughout the poem.
4. Use one example of synesthesia (mixing the senses).
5. Use the proper name of a person and the proper name of a place.
6. Contradict something you said earlier in the poem.
7. Change direction or digress from the last thing you said.
8. Use a word (slang?) you’ve never seen in a poem.
9. Use an example of false cause-effect logic.
10. Use a piece of talk you’ve actually heard (preferably in dialect and/or which you don’t understand).
11. Create a metaphor using the following construction: "The (adjective) (concrete noun) of (abstract noun) . . ."
12. Use an image in such a way as to reverse its usual associative qualities.
13. Make the persona or character in the poem do something he or she could not do in "real life."
14. Refer to yourself by nickname and in the third person.
15. Write in the future tense, such that part of the poem seems to be a prediction.
16. Modify a noun with an unlikely adjective.
17. Make a declarative assertion that sounds convincing but that finally makes no sense.
18. Use a phrase from a language other than English.
19. Make a non-human object say or do something human (personification).
20. Close the poem with a vivid image that makes no statement, but that "echoes" an image from earlier in the poem.
This exercise was devised by Jim Simmerman, who used this exercise to also write a poem which you can look up if you'd like.


Some information you may need to understand this poem:
Spoiler! :
Zyzzyx Road refers to the lowest-grossing movie of all time. On IMDB I found a review titled ""On some roads it is better not to fold ... And some movies do not look better ...", which I decided to incorporate into the piece as my found phrase


"These are the 'Zyzzyx Road' of potato chips"
Jane declared, her auburn ponytail
sliding into the bag to bring another to her lips.

"So they taste like Lot's wife?
Or like the sweet mold of love?"
I asked, thinking about computers
and how they always break on me.

Nick will take a chip,
and then Ed the Canadian goose will steal it
and inform us that this is his road now.

"Some movies do not look better
until the road becomes an origami crane".
I replied, eating a chip.
It tasted calm as red.

"On some roads it is better not to fold, mi amor",
Jane smiled and wrapped
her blueberry sweater around me.
"The chips are a hit,
bigger than Titanic,
so our love will never sink."

Don't look back, my penicillin,
but beyond all the broken motherboards
and double-creased roads,
my origami heart screams like a goose.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Mon Apr 08, 2019 5:49 pm
View Likes
niteowl says...



one of many poems inspired by the weather

she is as trustworthy
as michigan in april.
yesterday she was sweet and sunny,
but this morning you wake up
to frost on her fingertips.

shivering, you ask her why she is cold today,
and she rolls her eyes and asks
why you left your coat at home.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:57 am
View Likes
niteowl says...



i would love to believe the planets
cared about my fate,
but i know better.

all i have to offer them
are stale words from loves long lost,
dreams of death that startle me back
to life every morning,

and of course,
this heart's that racing,
though it doesn't know what it's racing for.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





User avatar
852 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 21955
Reviews: 852
Tue Apr 09, 2019 7:52 pm
View Likes
alliyah says...



I forgot to say I really like how that 20 prompt poem turned out it's a blend of nonsensical humor, but there's still meaning there. I thought the section
"The chips are a hit,
bigger than Titanic,
so our love will never sink."

was a clever spin, and totally went with the feel of the whole piece.

"Trustworthy as michigan in april" was also an unexpected metaphor, but I like what you did with it. And it made me think about how angry I am that we're supposed to get snow in the midwest tomorrow again.

April 6th poem is also very relateable - and I like the closing you did on it, "sincerely no longer yours".

A lot of nice work here so far nite! :)
but i don't think i can ever love someone
who doesn't understand that teal
is a different color than dark cyan.


  





User avatar
1210 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210
Tue Apr 09, 2019 9:08 pm
View Likes
niteowl says...



Thanks @alliyah! Yeah, reading the forecast about snow tomorrow after being in the 70's yesterday is what inspired that.

#11

You broke me,
and even after three years,
it is harder to have faith in myself
than to believe that you were right
and I will never amount to anything.

Spoiler! :
This is short and will definitely have to be worked on, but I wanted to get a poem a day in. This is about my grad school advisor, who I am debating including as a reference for a job application for a research technician that requires them
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  








You wanna be a writer? You don't know how or when? Find a quiet place, use a humble pen.
— Paul Simon