on computers and chemistry

4/19

Potassium

if i were an element, i would be potassium.
symbol: K, atomic number: 19, atomic weight: 39.1.
tends to become a cation by
giving away an electron.

i stopped bringing extra pencils
when i got tired of people asking me for them.
"hey, can i borrow a pencil? i forgot mine."
"oh yeah, sure!"
(i often forgot to ask for them back.
i suspect a few
have gone missing this way.)

i only give origami now
to those i know will truly appreciate it.
(but, of course, if there's anyone standing nearby,
i will offer them some as well.
because i don't want them to feel left out.
common courtesy and all.)

actually, i've grown to dislike the descriptor "nice."
"nice" is what you call someone
when you can't find a better adjective for them.
doormats are "nice."

but what i hate more is this jadedness.
because there are kind people out there,
and when i meet them, I am reminded that
losing electrons is how
potassium forms bonds.

4/20

Ramblings on emoticons

i find emoticons fascinating.
like, have you ever seen a person
stretch their mouth into a perfect sideways 'D'?


and i know some people can do it,
but i can't seem to pull my mouth into
a sideways closing parenthesis


although i can do a straight line


and then this emoticon i've only seen on yws:
>.>
so versatile. so beautiful.
so impossible to imitate.
(i'd have to have spikes coming out of my eyes
or something?)

anyways, just some thoughts.
i love emoticons.
=D

4/21

judging devices by their covers
(a bad attempt by a rhyme-lover)

i wonder just how much
our devices say about ourselves.
like decorative stickers and such
(of coffee and biscuits and elves)--
things like that can show interests.
or the wear on a keyboard,
or crumbs and stains and the rest--
they show habits and more.

4/22

coming home

the blue scattered in the air
is perfect
and i watch the concave-up
dips of telephone lines.
and as i step out of the car
and am greeted by our house,
the aroma compounds
(flowers, spring,
a sweetness in the air)
fit into the receptors
in my nose, and it just
smells like home.

4/23

fun fact

did you know
dice were invented in 2800 BCE?
(possibly. according to one source.
other sources say 600 BCE to 3000 BCE.)
so they've been around for like
5000 years?

(i could write something on
how that blows my mind or
how that says something on the
progress of our civilization or
just something about cool dice but
i need to sleep.)

4/24

procrastination

and i know it's my fault for
scrolling through webtoons
(colors and text and stories;
fascinating how they can be
transmitted through this screen)
and i don't really regret it but
i really should've been
studying instead.

4/25

hm
(aka, more late-night ramblings)

i've been immersed in computer science since elementary school. and maybe it isn't healthy for me to stare at a computer for ten hours a day, but if my curved back turns me into a question mark, maybe it'd be more fitting. because i've always been one to add "i guess" to soften my statements and raise my eyebrows so i don't look like i'm frowning, even if it makes me look inquisitive instead (but who really looks at me enough to notice?). and i think this is what i want to do, to immerse myself in an ocean of bytes and semicolons, to type on my beloved computer all day, and i really do think cybersecurity is interesting, but-- there's simply a pure joy that comes with drawing, and i wonder what life would be like if that was my job, to create worlds of ink and paper (hey, that could refer to writing as well) and make people happy.
it's funny that i've only ever coded projects for a grade, to teach others, or for cybersecurity competitions. i think if i were truly passionate, i would code for fun. but i guess (ha, see? there's an "i guess"), maybe, it's not coding that interests me so much as what it can be used for. and the possibilities for that are limitless.

4/26

old books

you know that smell old books have?
the one that rises readily (hehe, readily)
out of the rich, worn pages as you
riffle through them.
slightly sweet, soft,
reminiscent (reminiscent =P) of afternoons
curled up on an armchair, book on your lap,
sunlight slanting through the window,
dust motes swirling in the air as you immerse
yourself in otherworldly worlds.
(i have no armchairs in my home. but somehow,
this is still what i imagine.)

you may not know this, but according to
the all-knowing internet,
there are various chemicals responsible for this.
toluene and ethyl benzene for sweetness,
vanillin for a hint of vanilla.
2-ethyl hexanol for a floral note, and
benzaldehyde and furfural for a whiff of almond.
it's like a recipe, with all these scents being
whisked together into an irresistible combination
that brings back memories and a feeling of comfort.

even if i don't have an armchair,
i hope i always have old books.
i can wrap myself in the pages
like they're soft blankets,
breath in the aroma compounds,
and be at peace.

(source: https://www.scienceabc.com/nature/why-d ... -good.html

also, the scent theme is inspired by @LuxLuthor! c: )

4/27

limits
(plus some playing with “lim” sounds. not related to Liminality, lol)

speed limits.
find the limit of f(x) as x approaches infinity.
push yourself to your limit.
(but i have a limited field of vision
and too many limits in my mind.)

i would like to limn this out
in the color lime (or perhaps lemon).
why must my limbs, my flesh be weak?
i would like to visit a liminal space,
be in limbo,
for a length of time of a million years.
let my soul fly lightly.
but i’m a lemming, and land is where i belong.

luego, lentamente,
mis lentes llenarán con luz.

Spoiler

translation of last stanza:

later, slowly,
my glasses/lenses will fill with light.

(inspired by @Meshugenah’s mention of “limitless” =P)

4/28

(untitled)

i meet their eyes.
"can you spare any change?"
they croak, huddled against the wall,
but i am
already walking away,
turning my head towards my friends and
ignoring the pain tugging my heart out of its chains.

- - -

did you know tipping norms in the US are
often 5-10% higher than other countries?
i don't know where i was going with this.
it was just something i learned today.

- - -

i want to help. i want to give them a warm meal,
listen to their stories, offer some kindness
as a stranger passing by.
perhaps i would do this if i were alone.
then again, perhaps not.
i have gotten used to steeling my heart.

- - -

tipping is considered part of the wage
for some workers (like restaurant servers).
it could be an excuse to pay them less.
i think why i brought up that statistic is because
it illustrates the do-it-yourself traditions of America.
self-made men and all.

- - -

along with shyness, safety is what stops me.
i know it's not true of all of them, but
the stories about some of them are enough to
make me hesitate a moment.
and by then, i am already moving on.

- - -

i have never known an uncaring world.
yes, i know i've been living in an intranet.
a private network of me, my parents, my friends,
my school, my little community.
i am privileged.
to misquote Spiderman,
should(n't) great privilege come with great responsibility?

- - -

and i have already made a misstep,
and there should be red lines pointing out my errors
in using "they." "them." it wasn't because i was
uncertain of gender. it was putting them in a group.
it was dehumanizing homeless people
(people who are homeless),
making them those fellow human beings
some kind of "other."
it's a lot harder to ignore people
when you start to empathize with them.

- - -

if nothing else, i can offer
a kind smile and some art.
let those fellow inhabitants of planet Earth
know that someone sees,
someone cares.

- - -

and my case-protected heart of metal
will crack, but
i won't need to take it to a phone repair shop to fix it.
i'll shatter the screen and let the light in.