Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

Nate · 2004-12-18T01:09:42Z

Here's a new activity... come up with the worst line you can think of to open up a story/novel. To get you started, here are some examples from Edward Bulyar Lytton award, which gives a prize to the author of the worst opening for a novel each year: * "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it." * "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens." * "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description." * "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep." * "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon -- to become the woman he loved." * "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do." * "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor." * "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death-- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies. * "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the toad's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

little x soldier

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Fri May 27, 2005 5:11 pm

little x soldier says... · Fri May 27, 2005 5:11 pm

tomorrow, will never reach but we do today so listen in presence

No idea what I'm talking about.. I just know that tomorrow never comes.

~xS;o:L;d:I;e:Rx~

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Sureal

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Fri May 27, 2005 5:52 pm

Sureal says... · Fri May 27, 2005 5:52 pm

The weather was [description of weather].

I wrote the above just for you.

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sabradan

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Wed Jun 08, 2005 11:53 pm

sabradan says... · Wed Jun 08, 2005 11:53 pm

your mom is hot.

or

all your base are belong to us

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Ceylon

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Sun Jun 12, 2005 5:58 am

Ceylon says... · Sun Jun 12, 2005 5:58 am

I am what I eat.

Last edited by Ceylon on Thu Jun 23, 2005 7:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

juste essayer

La fin d'ordinaire, et vous ne verriez pas ce que vient.

Comment bon il s'avérera être..

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Armadian

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Sun Jun 12, 2005 6:12 am

Armadian says... · Sun Jun 12, 2005 6:12 am

Umm... what was i going to give a 50 page speech on again?

How can you prove that we exist? Maybe we don't exist...

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Shadow Knight

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Sun Jun 12, 2005 7:46 am

Shadow Knight says... · Sun Jun 12, 2005 7:46 am

Hello my name is <Insert name here> and I would like to talk to you about my boring life.

Cause i'm a one man,
I'm a one man,
I'm a one man,
I'm a one man revolution.

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zelithon

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Sat Oct 08, 2005 11:11 pm

zelithon says... · Sat Oct 08, 2005 11:11 pm

many people are doing this wrong and are doing rather interesting lines

He looked ou the window, he saw a 17 year old palm tree it had 15 palms on it they were all green the trunk of the tree was a gray brown but more gray than brown color there were 10 ripples on one palm 9 on another palm ect.

it goes on to decsibe more than you would ever want to know about the palm how.
i think this is a really exiting interesting line

Everyone he knew thought john was a jerk; john was inclined to agree.

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QiGuaiGongFu

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Sun Oct 09, 2005 1:29 am

QiGuaiGongFu says... · Sun Oct 09, 2005 1:29 am

The forest was dark.

Hakimemashte! Kakiga ski desu!

My ass was flatter then, and less round.

If i were ripply, I would be stronger.

Shit.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- HL Mencken
Lie together like butt.
Presenting the GFuture, soon to be the Gnow, reality presented by Google.
Welcome to GEarth.
~Baske in the randomness~

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Sohini

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Tue Oct 18, 2005 7:40 am

Sohini says... · Tue Oct 18, 2005 7:40 am

i really don't why i'm writing this but i think i know why you are reading this though i can't tell why you are wearing a taoir mask but i'm sure i like swan pidgeons as much as Edd does cause he's not you and you're not him and i'm definately not you and you're definately not me as you and i don't share the same name and surname and neither does Edd or the boy who's standing next to you wondering what swan pidgeons are.

pretty terrible,huh?

Calvin : You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes : What mood is that?
Calvin : Last-minute panic.

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Boni_Bee

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Mon Oct 24, 2005 3:56 am

Boni_Bee says... · Mon Oct 24, 2005 3:56 am

Yaaawm....

If you can read this...

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Carmina

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Mon Oct 24, 2005 5:11 am

Carmina says... · Mon Oct 24, 2005 5:11 am

The butler did it.

I reject your reality and substitute my own

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Elizabeth

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Mon Oct 24, 2005 5:12 am

Elizabeth says... · Mon Oct 24, 2005 5:12 am

Those who read this will die, so don't read this.

HAHAHA
Ha... I can write another one...

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Milk shot out of Sarah's nose.

:smirks:

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Griffinkeeper

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Mon Oct 24, 2005 5:26 am

Griffinkeeper says... · Mon Oct 24, 2005 5:26 am

"OMGAZ YOU ACTUALLY BOUGHT THE BOOK!"

"The poodle was wrapped around my noodle."

"I love toast."

Moderator Emeritus (frozen in carbonite.)

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bubblewrapped

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Fri Nov 25, 2005 4:26 am

bubblewrapped says... · Fri Nov 25, 2005 4:26 am

Basically, it was John Fredrickson with a knife in the drawing room, but I wasnt to know that then.

Hehehe. Nothing like giving the entire book away with the first sentence :lol:

(Seriously, I've come across books that started somewhat like that). Also, stories beginning with a poem (made up by the author) tend to be embarrassingly cliche.

Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)

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Snoink

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Fri Nov 25, 2005 4:27 am

Snoink says... · Fri Nov 25, 2005 4:27 am

I'm a bad writer...

Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic!

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