Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

Nate · 2004-12-18T01:09:42Z

Here's a new activity... come up with the worst line you can think of to open up a story/novel. To get you started, here are some examples from Edward Bulyar Lytton award, which gives a prize to the author of the worst opening for a novel each year: * "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it." * "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens." * "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description." * "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep." * "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon -- to become the woman he loved." * "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do." * "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor." * "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death-- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies. * "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the toad's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

LuminescentAnt

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Tue Nov 19, 2024 8:43 pm

LuminescentAnt says... · Tue Nov 19, 2024 8:43 pm

Today felt special, and she didn't know why.

Good is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.

- Ms. Marvel

LuminescentAnt ~ Lum ~ Ant
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JazzicusMaximus

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Tue Nov 19, 2024 11:09 pm

JazzicusMaximus says... · Tue Nov 19, 2024 11:09 pm

He would describe her eyes to be the color of a Ricola cough drop, and her lips to be as full as a bursting grape.

I am the Timekeeper, Quote Hunter, Letter Stealer, and Grave Visitor
"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon." — Paul Brandt
Genesis 3:19

Jazz Electrobass

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candyhearts

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Sun Nov 24, 2024 9:59 pm

candyhearts says... · Sun Nov 24, 2024 9:59 pm

*record scratch* *freeze frame* Well, you're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.

I want to review your poetry!!
Payton, she/her <3

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LuminescentAnt

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Mon Dec 09, 2024 4:04 am

LuminescentAnt says... · Mon Dec 09, 2024 4:04 am

There was once a princess who was bored of eating extremely luxurious meals in a fabulous and extremely comfortable palace in a very easy and lazy lifestyle.

Good is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.

- Ms. Marvel

LuminescentAnt ~ Lum ~ Ant
(she/her)

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