Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

Here's my try:

"So yeah this book is about some punk that kills a dragon. The main character's name is Aiden, ok. There's this other dude named Jacob and this chick named Ella. And there's this villain. His name is Jafar. Um so yeah. They live in England, I forgot to tell you."

"Where is my pudding?" She shrieked. Everyone knew that she haaaad to have her pudding at precisely 4:00 P.M. when the sun rose. Soo angry from her loss of having pudding she smacked her chimpanzee and jumped to catch the clouds. Once she grabbed those marshmallows of cloud she threw them into the microwave - which exploded and turned into pudding. Which she ate happily with a large grin on her face.

If you have begun to read this story, and of course at the moment I'm assuming you have, I think the first thing that you should know is that it is going to be really bad, boring, uncreative, and therefore, of no interest to you whatsoever, so I strongly advise you to put it down this very minute and pick up something better than this because you will likely die of boredom by the time you even finish this sentence, that is, if you should decide to continue, and I highly doubt you will because it is really bad, boring, and uncreative.... oh yeah, I said that already.... Well if you are absolutely stubborn upon the matter of continuing, you should also know that I have a terrible habit of rambling on about absolutely nothing, repeating myself, and as you have probably figured out by now, writing run-on sentences.

"If you think page one is bad, just wait for 56."

"So, you know how sometimes people will be telling you a joke, and it's a really long and rambly joke, and you know it HAS to go SOMEwhere, but then they forget the punchline, and you're upset that they just wasted ten minutes of your life. Imagine that, times, like, twenty, and that's how upset Tom was when he found out that his mom died of a heart attack."

"I could still hear her whispering in my ear: 'I killed you.'"

"This book is boring."

I was sitting on a bench, next to a turd.

It was the future, or something like that.

(Something I spouted in class one day and my friend actually decided to use it an opening line for his story. Lol)

My name is Antredoolina Applewheat, and I am the mystic ruler of the land of Quickie Mart. My best friend is a cow named Robertus, and I am a neopet.

So the other day I went to the store and picked out an avocado and then, guess what, I ate teh avocado and it was wonderful and delicious and then I got a puppy and lived happily ever after, want to read the rest?

The box stunk of toilet tramp.

Even though the only reason you're reading this novel is because I'm behind you with a knife at your throat doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.

erm yeah so...I was just planning to insult as many people as possible with this book...hope you enjoy it

And they all lived happily ever after!

(Yes, I mean this would be a bad opening line for a book because it's even a bad ending line. Lmao.)