Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

Nate · 2004-12-18T01:09:42Z

Here's a new activity... come up with the worst line you can think of to open up a story/novel. To get you started, here are some examples from Edward Bulyar Lytton award, which gives a prize to the author of the worst opening for a novel each year: * "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it." * "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens." * "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description." * "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep." * "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon -- to become the woman he loved." * "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do." * "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor." * "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death-- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies. * "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the toad's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

Pushca

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 70

Tue Apr 17, 2007 2:32 am

Pushca says... · Tue Apr 17, 2007 2:32 am

The weather beaten trail wound ahead into the dust racked climes of the baren land which dominates large portions of the Norgolian empire.

...

The first sentence from the Eye of Argon by Jim Theis.

"Nothing I could write would be as shocking and offensive as censorship itself." -Deb Caletti

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_fallingstar_

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 50

Tue Apr 17, 2007 3:55 pm

_fallingstar_ says... · Tue Apr 17, 2007 3:55 pm

This story really happened.

-----

Then the reader says, Yeah right, punk. :lol:

My high school senior mascot is a dragon. Take that, monkey!

Blackle.com--saving energy one search at a time.

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Emma

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 683

Tue Apr 17, 2007 4:13 pm

Emma says... · Tue Apr 17, 2007 4:13 pm

This story doesn't have any sex in it.

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Alice

Gender

Points 1373

Reviews 270

Sat Apr 21, 2007 2:56 am

Alice says... · Sat Apr 21, 2007 2:56 am

If one day was 24 hours and each hour was 60 minutes and each minute was 60 seconds and i have no clue how long a second is how old am i?

I just lost the game.

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Nutty

Supporter

Gender

Points 794

Reviews 280

Sun May 20, 2007 6:31 am

Nutty says... · Sun May 20, 2007 6:31 am

Put down this book while you have a chance.

It's not easy having a good time. Even smiling makes my face ache.

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Lynlyn

Gender

Points 1224

Reviews 172

Mon Jul 09, 2007 12:54 pm

Lynlyn says... · Mon Jul 09, 2007 12:54 pm

It wasn't quite the best of times, but it really wasn't the worst of times, so seeing as it wasn't really either of the extremes, maybe it was the most mediocre of times - or maybe it just defied all description and wasn't any time because it was a warp in the material of space and had no shape, volume, or definition. Yeah, that's it.

"Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world." - G. B. Shaw
Lynlyn's Magical Critique Emporium - request a review here.

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Firearris

Gender

Points 1836

Reviews 245

Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:08 pm

Firearris says... · Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:08 pm

Once upon a time,
The end!

[Griffinkeeper] 10:45 pm: The guard appears "We have weasels now!"
[Firearris] 10:45 pm: askes the guard for the weasel!
[Griffinkeeper] 10:45 pm: The guard gives Firearris the Weasel.
[Firearris] 10:46 pm: aquires the weasel and renames it "Cat"
Take that, Lumi.

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LowKey

Gender

Points 2570

Reviews 245

Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:09 pm

LowKey says... · Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:09 pm

Running.

Necropolis SB / Necropolis DT

Once was Dreamer, is now LowKey_Lyesmith.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

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Jasmine Hart

Gender

Points 15961

Reviews 661

Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:22 pm

Jasmine Hart says... · Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:22 pm

Hi, my name is...

This drives me mad!It's a story not a conversation!!!!!! Lol. Sorry for that!Reckon I have issues with that particular first line...

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fusion_7

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 5

Sun Jul 22, 2007 11:39 am

fusion_7 says... · Sun Jul 22, 2007 11:39 am

"The songs of the dead are the lamentations of the living" So thought Eragon as he stepped over a twisted and hacked Urgal, listening to the keening of women who removed loved ones from the blood-muddied ground of Farthen Dûr.

-Christopher Paolini, Eldest

It has everything. Pretension in a farm boy, thus making it out of character...I dunno. This line for me epitomises all that is bad about bad fantasy.

Three things in life are certain: Death, Taxes, and Plov.

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Ofour

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 187

Mon Jul 23, 2007 8:28 am

Ofour says... · Mon Jul 23, 2007 8:28 am

"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me" - the first line of The Catcher in the Rye. It really pisses me off, how arrogant this guy is, and how begrudgingly he's telling his story. If someone actually told me this in conversation, I'd just walk away.

ln(-a)=i(pi) + lna

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Leja

Gender

Points 8413

Reviews 816

Thu Jul 26, 2007 11:13 pm

Leja says... · Thu Jul 26, 2007 11:13 pm

^ I agree, Ofour. Hehe, when I told that to my English class, they told me I had no heart XD so I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

I wish I didn't have to tell you this tragic tale, But it needs to get out for the world to hear!

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Aet Lindling

Supporter

Gender

Points 3362

Reviews 225

Thu Jul 26, 2007 11:36 pm

Aet Lindling says... · Thu Jul 26, 2007 11:36 pm

The feminine person brought together the two halves of the leather-bound collection of sheets of wood pulp, sodium chloride infused droplets of dihydrogen monoxide coursing down her soft skin, zigzagging around due to the differing amounts of surface tension on different parts of her face.

OR

She shut the book, tears running down her face.

man hands on misery to man
it deepens like a coastal shelf
get out as early as you can
and don’t have any kids yourself.

Legacy signature:
dun worry
it's all gun be k

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Alice

Gender

Points 1373

Reviews 270

Sat Jul 28, 2007 1:28 am

Alice says... · Sat Jul 28, 2007 1:28 am

If you value your sanity, I'd pretend I never saw this book at the same time as reading it. Thats right I said it, you should forget about this book at the same time as you read it!

I just lost the game.

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Black Ghost

Gender

Points 6070

Reviews 277

Sat Jul 28, 2007 1:35 am

Black Ghost says... · Sat Jul 28, 2007 1:35 am

"In a carefully positioned house atop a cliff overlooking a cascading ocean of water lies a deep, dark and terrible secret that will no doubts tickle your fancy and will attempt to hold your feeble attention for some five-hundred odd pages."

MM

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