Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

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And so were all the others!

Charlie

This is not a novel. This is some piece of crap I made up in my head on the way to school.

So, you think you can get through five hundred pages of crap, do you?

Vicky was very adamant(not sure if i spelled that right...) in saying "PLEASE STOP READING THIS!"

Even though the apartment building was burning to the ground, Jacob was not concerned; he had just made it into the top five on the X-Box Live score charts. He had not abandoned his amish community in vain.

that's all i got...

and please don't kill me for posting on an abandoned thread! xD

I woke up on foggy grey snowy yet nice day with a look of undicided nearvous anticipation on my face due to the night before's accidental spill of red yet with a hint of orange sliky soft yet very wet paint on my mother's new purple lavander and pink rug thats was once owned by a old man who lived in montana and sold it to my mother because it was unplasently cold on the big toeless feet, for 1.50 american which was translated to euorpe euors when we were in canada for a visit then yen due to the interesting yet boaring fact, we live in japan.

His brow furrowed in unimaginable concentration, Phil attempted to pass the impossible stool.

You idiot, this is the end of the book! It reads backwards and now you've completely spoiled the ending. How does that make you feel, you worthless sack of parrot droppings?

Or...

Um...wow, what should I write? This is rather boring, isn't it, staring at the computer. I think I'll go eat some carrot sticks.

Don't think for one second that you actually WANTED to read this book. Put it back on the shelf.

Here's a horrible one:

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.

No offence, JK Rowling.

She was a babelicious beast wiith hairy armpits and a hairy lip and she meowed like a gorilla and that really turned me on, darling, really did, and it still does, yummy.

It all started on a normal day, when I got back from school, just another ordinary teenager.

Number one: Once upon a time there was a happy kingdom ruled by a beautiful queen and a handsome king.


Number two: Hi my name is Izzy and I have blue eyes and blonde hair and freckle and I like pink and I'm ALWAYYYS HAPPY!!!!


Number three: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith

As Jonathan looked over the misty hilltops, his cloak swirling around his ankles like a cyclone, he sighed, remembering his lost love and the child he had left behind.
lol.

I have a pretty bad first paragraph:

"Goldfish have a memory of only seven seconds. How anyone knows this, how they find out, is beyond me. My mate Barry reckons they make them watch a Scary Movie and see how long they scream... But he's thick. Then again, we're both blue tits, and I don't suppose I'm the brightest tit in the bush either."

I just thought of this in a lengthy inner monologue the other day and thought, WHAT THE HELL? I thought this was a good place to put it.

"My teacher fluidly stepped across the classroom in a fashion that was one of a gazelle - she gently strew our tests onto the desks while clacking down the isle in her stiletto heels: I was deathly afraid my heart would stop beating."

Bwa-ha-ha.

Elelel wrote:YOU missed YOUR goal too, I laughed harder at the frog then niteowl!


ahem.
I have a few different catagories.
Number 1, bordom.

When martha walked down the very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very dusty street, she looked up from picked the bubblegum off her fingers to see a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very fat man walking towards her.

Number 2, incorrectness

Brooke sighed as she remembered the acts of her father back in 2064, the horrors she now knew. Now she was in an old fashioned room, awaiting the counsellor. The TV was pratiacally an antique, surely they could afford a new one? It was 2008 after all, and TVs were becoming cheap.

I'll thick of more catagories later, must go now.

I'm sorry, but when I was reading this and was shocked because you used me and my mother's name in the same post. My name is Brooke and my mom's is Martha. I thought you were going to use my brother's or dad's name! Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that.