Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

fusion_7 wrote:"The songs of the dead are the lamentations of the living" So thought Eragon as he stepped over a twisted and hacked Urgal, listening to the keening of women who removed loved ones from the blood-muddied ground of Farthen Dûr.

-Christopher Paolini, Eldest

It has everything. Pretension in a farm boy, thus making it out of character...I dunno. This line for me epitomises all that is bad about bad fantasy.

Aaaaaaaaaaaamen.

"It is a long-standing fact that boogers taste like worms."

Here's one from an actual novel! Yes, that makes it even more disturbing...

"Interesting. The force of gravity is 9.8 meters per second squared on this planet, but not in space. I wonder if 'Space' really exists?"


MM

see, the problem is, most of these are so random that i probably WOULD read the rest of the book...at least for a chapter or so.

rightio here goes

Hello! my name is me. wait no don't go my name isn't me it is Tom, please don't go! i need a friend.

Nate wrote: * "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it."

* "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."

* "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."

* "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep."

* "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."

What's up with that description?... I've seen better openings by 8 years old kids. Well here's my entry:

Like a foot in a pile of... His lips got into hers. (I know that was nasty )

There was a forum somewhere that had a topic called "first lines of the novel you've always wanted to write." One particularly iffy entry comes to mind; I won't reproduce it word-for-word, since this topic doesn't have a set rating, but...

It involved internal dialogue of a man in his twenties, a set of well-endowed female identical twins, and might have sold as an airport novel... and that's all I'm going to say. I cringed.

Wow, Nate - that one about the rising sun made me want to gag. >.<

I am a girl.

Valen raised his sword of star metal that shone with a blue translucent light and had been forged by the last of the whatthehells during their 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 year war with the cantbebothereds inside a mountain using tools that had been owned by paoifmjro;ifa,j;w oajiwpo,sijsf,;srg,fsijpw o,sjsrpgo*descend into profanity*

"It was a dark and stormy night..."

&..

"Don't read this."

H'okay, here's my shot at it...

"The rooster crowed, strutting up and down the fence rail, and Charles awoke, dreading another day of abuse from his father."

She was hungry

Here's mine! I have a few others but...they aren't really appropriate for the site, but if you have a personal inquiry pm me ^_^

Accidently killing people on a regular basis was more fun than she thought.

Once upon a time, when the world was still a pancake...

One dark, story night...

Nate, I've gotta say, the Mary Sue opening is precious. *snerks*

"He could tell he was pregnant when he woke up the morning after."

(Yes, he. I was recently traumatized by mpreg fic at pottersues. I need brain bleach, please.)