Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

OH! If there's one things I'm good at, it's writing wrong!

#1 THE BEG: This book is really exciting. Believe me, it is! I know it's my first attempt and all and I'm new to the world of writing and everything, but it's true! I know that last book you read was really bad, but this one will be great, I swear...

#2 CHATSPEAK: "OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!" sarah screamed. and joey came running 2 her and he was all like "WUT RONG???? WUT HAPPEND????"

*reads #2* *twitches*

*grudgingly applauds inkdragon*

...I think that made my brain bleed a little.

I don't know any opening lines to open up a story, but here are some opening lines to help you start up a conversation... or get you slapped:

Hey, are you from Venus? Cause baby your ass is outa this world!

Do you work at the UPS? Cause I could have sworn I saw you checkin out my package!

That must be jam cause jelly don't shake like that!

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

Baby you must be tired because you've been walkin around in my mind all day!

Here's my (3) lines.

That was it, the end! Actually, not. The shortest book in history will certainly not be this one.

A bit random, but hey. That was pretty bad

opening line you say?

So I thought that it would be a disaster, but he went through with it, and I decided that it wasn't all that bad after all, so I think that he's probably right about everything, and i'm completely lost in all of this, and I don't know what's going on, and maybe this book will explain it all, but if it doesn't, there might be a sequel, and I know you all will read it!

Oh yeah? I'll outdo all of you through sheer simplicity.

The End.

or

Uhh, I thought this would be the best book ever, but I'm already pretty bored, so, uh, The End.

Short and sweet, I must say.

Here's my attempt:

As she gazed longingly and desperately into the vast expanse of both space and satiety, the soft white light illuminating her face, the remainder of her body bathed in twilight, she swiftly and suddenly came upon a harsh realization: "I knew I should have bought more milk when I went to the grocery store."

Cool. I'm trying to write a sequel to Atlanta Nights (the worst novel in the world, by Travis Tea), can I use it?

I once started an english essay with

"Now the average veolocity of a rusty Tescos trolly is common knowlage around these parts, But who actually has the time to put this into practice?"

This is the best book ever. The End.

I LOVE the Bulyar Lytton contests!

I had no idea what was going on between my Uncle Henry and my best friend's Aunt Myrtle, until she came tearing up the drive screaming hysterically.
"Your uncle!" she shrieked at me, red-faced. "He's aunt-elloped!"
xD

AetLinding, feel free to use my amazing beginning to the worst novel ever!

Hmm I want to try another one...


She tried again and again, but to no avail. All her attempts seem futile. She cursed at the sky and her eyes slowly refocused upon the damned object. "Why won't this lawnmower start?!?!?!" She exclaimed.

"It was a dark and stormy night..."

That was the worst opening line I could think of...

'ZOMG - CHICKEN!'

This is the end of the beginning.


(wtf?)<---that's not part of the story. <----but this is xD