wonderland

This is brilliant! I like how it is evident there is an explosion, even though you don't say it. The imagery, and how you introduce the scene by counting down. ...

Alright, so, right off the bat, I'm not too sure about your prologue. Personally, I'm not a fan of them in general, and yours seems to confuse more than help. ...

Alright, so, I liked your characters, and you seem to have a good grip on characterization, and what they are like. My main concern with your short story is that ...

Alright, so, this seemed, honestly, a little haphazard to me. it seems like you have good thoughts, but move to fast to properly get them down. Slow down, firstly. Add ...

Alright, so I was more than a little confused here. Your perspectives change from third to first, and it kind of psyched me out a bit. I don't know if ...

Alright, so Firstly, I see a lot of potential in your writing. You have strong description, and I really liked that. However, you moved very quickly through all the events, ...

Alright, so This seems really rushed. Give the reader some background. You want to give enough details so that the reader isn't confused, but so that they don't get bored ...

Alright, so, I like how you're doing this. Having a novel in poetry format is an interesting idea. However, since it's in poetry, you're gonna have to work harder to ...

Alright, so, I like this. It's a good start. My problem is that it's too repetitive, and I can't relate the these lyrics at all. Go into more of a ...

Alright, so, this was difficult to read, and I realized I couldn't. This is because you need to take that huge block of words you have and separate it into ...

Alright, so, that was a good start, and I'm interested to see where you're going to go with it. To me, tough, it felt kind of short, and there was ...

Alright, so, This was a god beginning. I can see your characters starting to form. I found it, however, too choppy, with missing background and that raised questions for me, ...

Alright, so, this is short. Give it length; give us background on the character and the story. It's too short to get into, and there really is no premise. Make ...

Alright, so, good beginning. I can see you've worked hard. My main thing is that you tell the readers everything. Show the readers by playing towards their senses. Describe through ...

Alright, so, good beginning. But, honestly, these lyrics seem sort of posed and missing emotion. Emotion is one key thing in writing lyrics, becuase whoever is listening to the song ...