IS THERE LIGHT AT THE OTHER END OF THE TUNNEL?
Introduction
Have you ever wished you were someone else, when you went through hush and difficult times? Well this story is about a girl that wished every night of her life, that she wasn't weird, as she got bullied because of her height, and dealt in situations that could scar you forever, as it was terrifying and embarrassing. This is a true story of a girl called Saffron Middleton, fighting for her life to become perfect, but realized she was perfect all along even if she didn't see it at first.
Chapter One
Mother Asthma Attack
January 10th of 2007
I stood at the dark broken window, of my house, waiting for my mother to return home from work. I had excitement flowing through my body as I could not wait to get a hug from my mother when she returns home from work. Now my mother's hugs always made me happy as all my fears and nightmares would go away. It seemed more than a hug, as it was special and unique. But an hour went by and my mother didn't turn up, I began to get cold waiting at the window for so long, so I thought I would go and sit in front of the gas fire with hot chocolate, while watching the movie Finding Nemo when I wait.
Ring. Ring! The phone rang as loud as an tramped, making me jump out of my seat on to the floor, while trying to dodge the hot chocolate which went flying into the air, I tried to move before it pours down on me, but sadly I was too slow and it tipped down onto my head, while my skull burnt and stung like a bee, I screamed as I was in pain and didn't know what to do, as I was only seven years of age. I stopped screaming when I heard my sister talking to my mother.
The Phone Call
"Mum when you coming home, its crazy here, as dad and saffron are attempting to clean my jumper in the dishwasher!" pleaded Chelsea
"I'm coming tomorrow hopefully, if the doctors say it’s okay "said my mother a quiet tone
"Doctor's? But dad said you're working overtime, to be honest I was hoping you were working at MacDonnell's then you can bring some food home for us" said my older sister Chelsea with a cheeky, little smile".
While I sat on the wet floor, she realized something strange was happening with her mother and father, something that a seven year old shouldn't know about, and wanted to confront her father to find out what it was.
The Next Day
I skidded across the floor in the snow while wearing only a night suit and dollies as it was all I could find in my messy bedroom. Looking back now I am ashamed that my bedroom actually got that messy, you could say it was mission impossible getting a wardrobe open as there were clothes, toys and food on the floor, and there was no excuse for it being a pig sty, it was just plain laziness.
The snow was freezing, and I made star angles on the floor, while looking into the sky at the clouds imagining them as a clown, as my sister Chelsea is terrified of them and seeing her face expressions when she sees them, lights up my day. As I lay on the cold snow, my sister was smiling with bliss as she thought it was fantastic as nothing could get better than throwing snowballs at my father, when he just woke up. But it wasn't so fantastic for me, I missed my mother far too much for you to imagine.
But an hour went past and it was time for me and Chelsea to go to school in the cold. I and Chelsea ran out the house as we were running late and looking forward for a day at school.
At School (Afternoon)
Nothing could be worse than sitting on a hard, broken chair, while listening to a boring teacher go on about politics and his love life. It was like Mr Andrews Monday routine, he would always tell the class about the Political facts happening around the World, while bragging on about his girlfriend's mother being bossy. If that wasn't enough to make your Monday awful, I got a massive lecture from Mr Andrews for falling as-sleep in his lesson, 'it wasn't my fault, if he weren't boring I would not of drifted off to sleep' I simply thought to myself, while looking up at him hopelessly and innocently, my innocent look was my ultimate best face expression, as it always got what I wanted whenever I required it.
After ten long minutes of getting lectured it was time to go home, a place where you can do what you want, whenever you please. Bing! The bell went off as loud as a gunshot speeding through air, letting sixty hyper students know it's time to go home, they rushed outside while being very pleased and happy that they are going home from a place some students called prison, as they think it's a waste of time. While the students rushed out in a hurry, they also pushed and shoved their way through the crowd, which made me fall and fly cashing to the floor, with great speed and strength.
If that wasn't enough I couldn't get up, as every time I attempted I failed horribly by falling down again, I was not strong enough, as I had to much on my plate, looking back now I can’t remember what was worse, my head stinging from the boiling hot chocolate, or wondering if something happened to my mother, as I had a funny feeling that she was dreadfully hurt, since she told me she was in hospital. When I was little, my funny feelings were always right, so it made me very frightened.
After seven long, stressful, worrying minutes of being thrown to the ground I finally got up and walked steadily to the door way. While I walk feeling very dizzy, little did I know what was going to happen when I see my dad standing outside to pick me up from school again!
Saffron! Yelled Mr Andrews calling me name to dismiss me by the gate.
Mr Andrews: Your dad is here to collect you; I hope you had a good day today, oh and almost forget, do your maths homework!
Saffron: what he's here again! I said while feeling very suspicious what was going on, as it was the second time he had ever picked me up from school.
I walked to my father in a hurry, as he brought sweets, which made me feel slightly better, as he always got the sweets I liked, which was a long snake that was very scary, I remember I use hide it and wait until a person finds it, they use to scream as they thought it was real, of course I use to love seeing their face expression and had a little smirk on my face, while they shout for help.
While I munched it down my sister Chelsea gave me the evils, as she didn't get any for being naughty , looking back now she always was as cheeky monkey, and to tell the truth I found it very amusing, and I always new what she was going to do.
Seeing Mother
“Dad can my name be Barbie”? asked Chelsea.as she loved Barbie dolls and the Barbie song, the one that went ‘ I’m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world , I’m made from plastic , I’m fantastic , you can brush my hair and take me everywhere’
“Oh no Chelsea it cannot be your name, what a daft thing to say! “ my father said in a sharp tone , sounding very strict as he thought it a ridicules question , my father was a very intelligent man, and silly remarks like that really got on his nerves .
“Ha, ha, ha! Barbie as your name, that is very funny joke Chelsea, imagines me saying Barbie want to play with my Barbie! “I said in a rude but cute way, as I liked to tease her , but it never got on her nervous even how rude or offensive it was, she always thought we were joking, (majority of time we were being serious) and that’s what I loved about her, she was a fun ,easy going , sociable little girl!
Like every Monday afternoon after getting picked up from school Chelsea and I would race to the door when we were 2 minutes away, she always thought she was the fastest and I knew I was , she just cheated far too much, looking back now I remember the little pranks she use to try to do when I use to race her, like her pointing to an object, which made me stop and look at it , while she kept on running to the door and eventually win , and if that didn’t make her win she would get a stick and poke me with It.
So there Chelsea and I was , speeding, blazing , stomping to the white door that was chipped and muddy , which belonged to an old house I always thought was haunted, as I use to hear strange noises at night and here the stairs creek when no one was on them, but I loved that house , it’s the house I grew up in and the house I will never forget , even how spooky it was, it was my home and my paradise.
I could almost see the door , thrill and excitement flowed thought my veins as I was ahead of my older sister, for once in my life I was going to win her ‘just a little bit closer you can do it saffron don’t let her win!’ I thought to myself while pushing my legs forward like a pro, I looked just an athlete , as I speeded to the gate while jumping over my cat that was blocking my entrance, I didn’t need anything to get in my way and all I could think of was ‘Just a little closer’ I repeated to myself over again, which made me win the race , I touched the door and screamed out “I am the champion , no time for losers , because I am the champion of the world“
Suddenly my mouth widened and I stood in silence, staring at what I missed for two days, it was my mother , and she looked terrible, she was In a white top and old, ragged track suit bottom, which smelled like dirty washing. My mother always had a smile on her face wherever she was she dressed up smart! she would wear a fitted colourful top , with black smart trousers, , and if I remember clearly she wore a light red lipstick with lip liner, which was the cherry on top , it wasn’t everything but it was my mother’s dress code, which was absolutely stunning.
“Hello sweaty I missed you dearly!
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Hey there daffy,

I think you've already got an idea where you want to go with this and have started addressing your story's conflict, as well as (from what I've read) set the more minor conflicts between characters, which is great! A lot of times, conflict is what drives the story and you having already is good. However, it's not going to be enough, and you need to really work on the rest to make the story really worth looking at.
First, as wonderland said, use spellcheck. There's usually one included in most word processing programs, or you can get them in your internet browser. If that's not working for you, you could also try to have people read it over for you once before you post it! Proper spelling and grammar, not to mention a lack of missing words, will make it a lot more likely that people will stop to read your story. It's just common courtesy!
That said, let's get to the story itself. First point: while cutting your story up in sections is all fine, I think you should 1. work on making the transitions from one to the other smoother, and 2. try to make it only when really necessary. Here there were a couple of times when your two sections seemed to be in perfect continuity with one another, and the point of the break seemed a bit non-existent. It just clutters up the page and pulls the reader out of the story, so maybe try to work a bit on that, yeah?
The pacing in this section/chapter is also kind of slow. It's okay if you want to show how things are when normal before hitting the hard stuff, but at the same time be careful not to be boring. Make the characters more human, give them more depth than just boring teacher or annoying sister. You don't have to do it all at the same time, but start giving hints, make the people interesting. That's one of the main things that will make people enjoy reading.
wonderland gives you great advice on description - helping people get a better mental representation of everything also helps a lot with immersion. But ultimately it's not absolutely necessary, and some people find it just doesn't work with their writing style. Experiment, see how it feels for you - if it adds depth, good. If it just feels like clutter, forget it, focus on characters and conflict instead.
Hope this helps, and keep writing
Alright, so, this seemed, honestly, a little haphazard to me. it seems like you have good thoughts, but move to fast to properly get them down. Slow down, firstly. Add in details of the setting and time of your story, then go from there.
I'm wondering what the point of your introduction is as well. I, personally, am not a fan of prologues/introductions, and I don't really think yours is necessary.
I think you have good starts for character development going on, but you have to go in *that much deeper* to get the inner workings and thoughts of characters. Think about as if they were human, then write down likes, dislikes, habits and mannerisms for each character. That will help get you into the thoughts of the character, so you can better portray these thoughts and feelings to your audience.
Lastly, I suggest describing everything. I want to smell the sickly stench of the hospital, or the wind in my face as she raced down the street. Things like that. Description lets the reader imagine the scene easier.
(Also, I suggest using a spell/grammar check for spelling, capitalization and commas. )
Good luck
~Wonderland