windrattlestheblinds

(oh god I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to review this thing D:) I’m really enamored with the description of the complex. It’s got some great imagery, and ...

I’m really into the way you open this part of the chapter. It’s got a lot of great things packed into a relatively short amount of time. Violet noticing beautiful ...

I like this! After the sort of unrelenting pace of chapter three, it’s nice to have a breather here. And while there’s not a ton of action-y stuff going on, ...

So this is an intriguing start! Personally, I find the exposition a little TOO ambiguous for my tastes. It gets the job done, and I can get the gist of ...

This chapter had a lot of problems in terms of believability. The writing is, as usual, good, and I like seeing new characters as well as hearing Elizabeth’s thoughts about ...

This is going to be long review, I bet. [ETA: I didn't notice or read the prologue before reading chapter one, FYI. So this review was written with knowledge of ...

The first thing I noticed about this chapter is that the beginning is… well, boring. It’s repetitive; almost every sentence begins the same way. It’s also a list: I do ...

Ohh, this chapter’s in Nathan’s point of view. Already I have an ominous feeling of encroaching horror. As usual, I love the way you open this chapter. Immediate setting, immediate ...

So this is a nice idea and has the potential to be a really interesting story, but the problem right now is that it’s basically an essay. There’s almost no ...

So, your opening didn’t grab me at all. I went in to review this, so I kept going, but if I were reading for pleasure, I would’ve stopped after the ...

Your first sentence is kind of opaque. I’m assuming you mean that, from the outside, the Davies look like a perfectly ordinary family? The phrasing you use doesn’t really make ...

My main thought, reading this chapter, what “I thought Rebecca was starving?! How is she pretty?! STARVING!!” Like, if she’s been living off stale bread, even if it’s enough stale ...

Why does Rebecca glare at Charles for saying he’s glad she made it here? She did, after all, choose to come of her own volition, under her own power. If ...

Your first paragraph packs a nice punch. The first sentence is great; personally, after “I was ten then,” I’d leave off “I’m fifteen now” just because 10+5 is a very ...

Hey! Here to do a review as requested (apparently, I reviewed the previous installment already, so here I am xD). I’m not a huge fan of your first sentence. It’s ...