whence

As I was reading this, I kept making mental notes on what to say in a crit. Well, my mind is rather cluttered as it is, so I went with ...

Euclid's convered content, so I'll focus on format. This seems rather broken-up. One word lines are like potent spices; they can pack a puch but should be used in short-supply. ...

Fix up your flow. And the poll is superflourus at best. As are the exclamation points. Your rhyming scheme is inconsistant, and when it does rhyme, the rhymes are forced ...

I'm not sure if the line-length 'negotiation' you did in the last stanza fits in with true 'ghazals', but it worked as far as this piece goes. Oh, and props ...

My primary issue with this is flow. Read it aloud. You'll find yourself rushing thrugh it in parts--those are the parts that need to be trimmed syllablicly [w00t for poetic ...

This isn't poetry. Poetry let's the reader's feel the emotion of the piece. Let's the reader interpret it and see it through their eyes. Let's the reader be guided and ...

The ending two lines were great. I loved your use of 'scooping'. However, your repition wasn't as well-implemented as it could of been. My advice-- every time you use 'The ...

Whoa. random rhyme = funky. also, I'm pretty sure "corners me down" is against some grammar law or another. Why exactly wouldyour ears get red when you're terrified? -confused- Oh, ...

half the time you tried to rhyme (and didn't quite) and the other half you didn't. Try to be slightly more consistant--or at least make the rhyme scheme fit the ...

I'm going to have to side with Claudette on this one. You attempted to build up to this kiss. You didn't. You attempted to successfully rhyme it. You didn't. You ...

So... the man's the dot? Interesting. Perhaps you could've portrayed the man as a bit more tragic towards the end. Your rhyme scheme. It was inconsistent. It worked. [>>high praise] ...

to be honest, I didn't finish reading this. The idea isn't exactly original--- I've seen or heard this idea in many different forms many different times. Also; work on your ...

This didn't suck by any means.... But it does need some major work. Have her read it aloud... She should notice some fairly large flow issues. There are several spots ...

Just a song I wrote when I was bored and depressed. Hope you like it! :D Is there anybody home? Ahgh...not the greatest opening line I can see the candlelight ...

I'm curious as to the correlation of the title... But there were parts of this that were rather interesting. I liked "I could not see The poetry in me " ...