Published March 19, 2007
Just a song I wrote when I was bored and depressed.
Hope you like it! 
Is there anybody home?
I can see the candlelight in the window
I just don't wanna be alone
But that was so long ago
Now we're surrounded by blocks of concrete
Even Inspiration left along with Faith
I can't cope with London's dirty streets
If only we wern't caught on this wave
And in the dusk, the withered leaves gather at my feet
Then the wind arrives and threatens me
Oh, Death, I wonder, wonder if we'll ever meet
We'll just have to wait and see
We'll just have to wait and see
Oh, black umbrellas, take me away
Oh, black umbrellas, whisk me any day
Black umbrellas, take me from this eternal grey
Just lead me away
Is there anybody there?
I can see the sorrows of unbelievers
Images telling me to beware
I didn't listen then either
Now we're swamped by cruel lies and festering
No one recalls the innocence of childhood
Every true love is sequestering
If only we were all understood
And in the evening, I walk out on the empty streets
I can feel nothing but loneliness
Oh, I wish, wish life could be forever sweet
All that is left is agress
All that is left is agress
Oh, black umbrellas, take me away
Oh, black umbrellas, whisk me any day
Black umbrellas, take me from this eternal grey
Just lead me away
Take me away from my misery
The depression within me has grown fiery
Meanings and measures slip away
And I feel smaller, I feel smaller everyday
I wish that I could fly away
Away, away, away
Black umbrellas, take me away[/b]
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
I like it but I don't agree with: "Oh, black umbrellas, whisk me any day".
It just doesn't seem to fit. Apart from that, the song's pretty cool.
I loved these lyrics. Everybody else has already pointed out all the holes i saw in it so I'll just say that I really want to hear this song sung because although I can't think of music for it, I know that it would sound great because of it's deep and meaningful lyrics. This is just a "wow" song.
I loved this song a lot! Great Job!
except one little thing: Weren't is spelled wrong in the sentence ' If only we wern't caught on this wave.'
Great Job!
Black umbrellas... not something most people would normally write about, but you pulled this off wonderfully. I thought it flowed nicely and had a lot of deep meaning to it. I especially loved the 'innocence of childhood' part. Great job!
Very, very good. I loved it.
I admire your ability to write a somewhat long piece, without getting boring, of giving the feeling that you're dragging on and on. I sensed its feeling and depth, and the flow was beautiful. Swift. The ending, I thought, was very effective. Good job! Keep it up!
Goldie
Overall, I thought this was really beautiful. Just some nitpicks:
You're missing an "away" after whisk. And I'm not sure you should put two "aways" that close together. Maybe you could reverse the verbs, so it looks like this:
Oh, black umbrellas, whisk me away
Oh, black umbrellas, take me any day
And the stanza with "festering" and "sequestering"? Those are big long ugly-looking words, and while they sort-of fit, they really threw me off track while I was reading it. Maybe that's because I was really stupid and had to go look them up?
Speaking of looking up words:
"Agress" is not a word, according to dictionary.com. And "aggress" is a verb, when the word you're trying to use should be a noun. Either explain what this word means to the simple-minded (aka me) or replace it with a word that dictionary.com knows so that the simple-minded masses can look it up.
Okay, let's end this on a positive note. I really loved the first stanza. And the rest of it, except the parts I pointed out. Good job and keep writing!