timjim77

- "I am taken by moments in time": Ok, I am a sucker for the first line. A really big sucker. You have suckered me in. Most juries make up ...

Hmmm, I feel that the sentiment here is a bit too blunt for it to have much of an impact. There is something to be said for subtlety. - I ...

I am a cursed one. Like flames that lick my wooden soul (Wooden soul, awesome.) They taunt me crue(l)ly. They whip me, and hurt. Bright red sparks come from my ...

Be warned: I read no other comments before this. I do like this poem. And yet there is something about it that itches me. I think it is the tone. ...

1. Like Luther is unnecessary. After your other fairly dense allusions, let's hope your audience gets that one. 2. Having followed your poetry, I know you have mostly abandoned texture ...

1. You changed tense in the fifth line. Even in a poem, you usually want to stick to one tense unless you have a good reason not to. 2. "The ...

1. Comma after line "bathing in radiant light", and make pr or. 2. Via Dolorosa. 3. Hmm, I feel like the capitalization of the last line breaks something. I really ...

This poem does not make people look at the truth. This poem is not straight to the point. This poem is not sad. This poem is not true. This is ...

Gadi, The fact that so many people did not like your poem is commendable. You are on the right path to becoming a poor, starved poet. All kidding aside, the ...

I like this. I'm glad you revised. If you are willing to revise again, I think there are some minor changes to the texture of the poem that will enhance ...

The end of this poem far surpasses the beginning. Notes: 1. 'Aid' as a verb has no 'e'. An aide is a helper. 2. You have made a lot of ...

Xanthan, I think this poem is fantastic. Your brevity is masterful and hard. But what amazes me the most if the effect of the title on the poem. Such a ...

I love dense imagery. But there are a few times within the poems where the tenor of the poem shifts in such a way that the imagery loses its effectiveness. ...

Your poem has a good foundation. Some notes: 1. You have used some language which is stale. "time spent together" "will do no harm" "under his charm" "kind at heart", ...

[on warm nights in blooming gardens that you'll never remember right, no] This line disrupts the flow and atmosphere of the poem, perhaps intentionally, but its purpose is not clear. ...