Published May 11, 2008
Friendship so close by time spent together
How can I dream of the man that she loves
I know that we shall be friends forever
I refuse to come between the two doves
His actions give no clues of his wishes
Which one of us does he truly dream for
Like snow white would I wake to his kisses
Alone with my torment forever more
Opening night nears and Juliet has left
I must take her part it will do no harm
My Romeo I must kiss to A’s the test
The play is saved, I am under his charm
He loves me, and my friend is kind at heart
We shall be together and never part
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Canary word: Present
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141,418 Literary Works • 674,397 Reviews
I think instead of A's you should put Ace. It sounds like it would fit a bit better. There also needs to be some basic punctuation. I liked the Romeo and Juliet being placed into the poem. Otherwise it was a nice poem. Semi easy to read but it could be improved a bit like Suzanne said.
Church
Your poem has a good foundation. Some notes:
1. You have used some language which is stale. "time spent together" "will do no harm" "under his charm" "kind at heart", all these phrases lack imagery.
2. "A's the test" should be "ace the test", perhaps?
3. The rhyme should be structured around the poem, not vice versa.
Keep working!
Some of these lines could be saved (L6) and made into a good poem. Others are not worth keeping (L12-L14). More than anything, though, please punctuate. It's hard to understand, and I couldn't properly critique it until the necessary punctuation was added in. Without it, your sentences run together and I can't discern your thoughts in some places.
This may help: Poetry & Punctuation.