theotherone

Hello there. :) I unbuckled my seat belt , my hands shaking . You just said that she wasn't nervous, but her hands are shaking? Normally, this is a sign ...

Hello there. :) Space your work. Please. Because right now there's way too much, and it's all bunch up together... It doesn't look attractive to read, and I'm ready to ...

Hello there. :) Georgie pulled me again and I turned around comma giving her a small glare. I think this is the only thing I could find for the nitpicking. ...

Hello there. :) I think Truth pretty much said it all... I remember the first time I cut, I remember letting the blood fall and gently spill all over his ...

Hello there :), My stomach flipped tones of times as I noticed that he wasn’t laughing. Did you mean tons? All we needed is viewers. The gym doors opened as ...

Hello there, :) "Large latte, please comma " I said in a timid voice to the guy stood serving coffee. He looked down at me and I saw a slight ...

Hello there. :) I heard my pumping heart, trying to keep me alive, my harsh breathing and his evil voice. I heard a low growl escape my throat. Skip lines. ...

Hello there. :) The window was slightly open comma letting in the cold snowy breeze. I sat on the old worn old leather couch as my best friend sat right ...

Hello there. I'm here again to review. :) III (Zalia): TV’s were blaring from abandoned homes comma talking about the bombing in West Virginia. As we walked along the smoking ...

Hello there. :) I really liked this story. I read it before, but I was to busy to review it, but here I am! It was well written and I ...

Hello there. :) Just a couple more minutes and I’m out of here. That was the only thing Macey could think about. Put it in italics so we know she's ...

Hello there. :) I'm not really an expert on this, but I seriously doubt any guy is going to want to pick you up while you're wearing a Harry Potter ...

Hello there. :) She was with my best friend, and he comma nor my fiancée comma had any idea that I had met that woman before. I had met her ...

Hello there. :) I 'm was a prisoner once. This part right here doesn't make sense. Once relates to something that was in the past, well in fact you are ...

Hello there. :) This was really good. Short and sweet is good sometimes. But you could also add a little more information and dialogue in this, and it would more ...