Chapter One
Tap. Tap. Tap. That was the sound of Macey’s fingers hitting the desk. That was the only thing she could handle without letting a wide grin come across her face.
Just a couple more minutes and I’m out of here. That was the only thing Macey could think about. Her parents would be coming soon and then she would be off on a Caribbean cruise. That’s when the phone rang. She looked up excitedly, the teacher turned his head towards her and spoke, “Macey, get your things together and go to the main office.”
“Okay,” she replied calmly even though she was full of energy. She quickly gathered her stuff, waved bye to her friend Alexis, and practically ran to her locker. She thought, this is it, the time I’ve been waiting to spend with my family. We haven’t been close since Kyle left for New York. Dad’s always working and Mom is always spending time with her friends. Feeling bad about not having any good thoughts, she threw in the fact that they always tried to spend time with her, but the cruise was going to help so much. She walked slowly down the empty hallway; she was in no hurry to end this moment. When Macey reached the staircases, she took a deep breath in and ran down the stairs. When she was in the office she looked around, her parents weren’t there. Confused, she asked the secretary, “Um, excuse me? I was called down for dismissal, but my parents aren’t here.”
The secretary said, “Well, what’s your name? There might have been a mistake or they called ahead of time so they wouldn’t have to wait as long.”
“My name is Macey Burch.” That’s when Macey saw a slight change in the secretary’s face.
“Yes, well you were called down because the principal wishes to talk to you.”
“Um, okay. One thing though, my parents are going to be coming soon can you tell them where I am?”
“Sure, no problem.” There was something in her voice that made Macey curious, but she headed towards the principal’s office anyway. When she reached the door to the principal’s office, she paused before knocking. There was a conversation going on but the door was to think for her to overhear. So she knocked lightly on the door and was told to come in. When Macey walked in, she wasn’t so sure she was going to like the reason she was here. The reason she thought this was simple, there was a policeman in the room.
The principal was a nice enough woman. She was in her mid thirties with short brown hair. Something in the way the principal looked at her though, made her seem so much older.
That’s when the principal said, “Macey, please sit down.”
“Okay, but can I ask something?”
“Of course you can.”
“Am I in trouble?”
“No, no just sit down.” Just hearing those words made knots in her chest disappear, but not all of them. Still a little skeptic of not being in trouble, she put on a face of relief instead of the one she wanted to show: a questioning one. Walking over she took the open seat next to the police officer.
“Macey, I hate to tell you this but, your parents have been in an accident.”
Macey’s heart skipped a beat. She thought the news was shocking but she should’ve guessed it. I mean why else would a police officer be here. At that moment one of the first things that popped into her head was the fact that they were going to have to get a refund on the cruise tickets. Shaking off that selfish thought she asked, “When can I see them?” There was a haunting silence in the room, the look on the principals face sealed the terrible conclusion that had formed in her mind. She didn’t want believe it so she asked, “No, no. Please tell me when I can see- them.” Her voice cracked on the last word. Slowly but surely the Principal shook her head, getting rid of all doubt in her head.
The only thoughts in Macey’s head at that moment were, no, no it can’t be real, my parents can’t be dead. I’m in a dream that has to be it. She closed her eyes and pinched herself. When she opened her eyes, the only thing different was that there was a fresh red mark on her arm. So, she came up with the next reasonable answer, her parents were playing a joke on her, for all the times she disobeyed them. Her eyes darted to the door, hoping any minute, that her parents will burst in laughing. Nothing happened, no one entered.
Removing her hands from her wet face, she stared up at the faces of the two people in the room, but they weren’t the two people she wanted to see. So many emotions were rushing through her body. A part of her wanted to keep crying, another keep doubting, and lastly a part of her want to scream and run. She had always been a sensible person, but in a few simple minutes her life had been turned upside down, knowing she had a right to be stupid she went with the latter of the choices. Standing up, she threw her backpack on the ground and yelled, “You’re lying! You’re playing a mean, cruel joke on me!” Not waiting for what they had to say, she ran out of the room and slammed the door shut.
Getting to the lobby, she looked outside to see the sun shining. Just the idea that the weather was so perky pissed her off. Ignoring the secretary’s calls, she ran outside and screamed once more. It wasn’t fair; those were the thoughts that kept running through her head. She turned around to see the police man coming after her, she wasn’t in the mood to hear reassuring thoughts and so she ran. She ran across the street as fast as she could then took a sharp left. She went to her haven: the library. Normally, she’d check out books and read them in a soft warm bed. Not today, the idea of smelling the scent of her mother on everything and seeing her father’s work everywhere seemed like it would make her head explode.
Suddenly, she entered the doors to a whole other world, where the sound of traffic and people talking were behind her. Wiping away some loose tears, she headed for the place where Macey knew she could truly escape: the fiction section of the library. She loved to wear out her imagination on books that took her to places with magical schools and dragons. As she flipped page after page of black and white words she began to drift away, to place where she was free, where her mind was free.
Though, every time her eyes would glaze away from the book the words, accept it, would enter her head. Macey just shook it off, however as she finished the small book about the story of a boy training a dragon she knew she’d have to face it. Placing the book back on to the shelf she let out a few tears but was careful not to make any obnoxious noises.
Walking across the street once more, she didn’t look to see if cars were coming. Maybe, if she was lucky, she’d be hit and wake up not remembering anything that has happened. When her feet reached the other side her hopes were diminished. Taking step after step she made her way to the main entrance. Walking in, she saw the look on the secretary’s face: sympathy. The look gave Macey a cold feeling-the only time she got that was at the funerals of her grandparents. She surely wasn’t expecting to get the same look because her parents died until she was possibly sixty or even seventy.
Not saying anything she walked into the principal’s office without knocking. The policeman was still there. They both gave a sigh of relief, which ticked her off. “What’s there to be relieved about?! My parents are dead!” She usually wasn’t easily irritated, but who could blame her. Slumping down in the chair she didn’t say anything nor did her principal or the police officer. Staring at them she knew they were waiting for her to do something, anything.
That’s when a something in her head started pounding. She winced at how painful it was, but shook off the painful. Who was she to complain about a small headache-her parents were dead. That’s when the question came to her, “Where are my parents?”
The police officer answered, “They were brought to the hospital, they’re probably in the morgue by now.”
Macey shook her head, she should’ve known that. “Well, I guess I’ll have to ask this sooner of later. What’s going to happen to me?” A knot in her chest appeared once more, she knew there was no way she was staying here-in East Lyme. There was no one to watch over her here. She wasn’t being pessimistic but rather realistic.
This time the principal answered, “Well, in case this situation ever occurred your parents left a will. A will is so-.”
“I know what a will is, I’m not an idiot. Just because I ran out of here like an idiot doesn’t mean I am one.” Macey surprised herself she had never talked to anyone of higher authority besides her parents like that. Of course, she wouldn’t be staying here, so she might as well share her true feelings with the teachers anyway. “Just get to the point,” Macey finished off.
The principal didn’t look angry, but rather her eyes were filled with sorrow-for Macey. “Right, well they said the guardianship will be handed over to you brother, Kyle.”
The words barely registered in her head, she couldn’t process them. There was no way, her brother can’t even fix his own bed, how did her parents expect for him to take care of another human being. The thought blew her mind. She loved him, but she wasn’t sure he could handle the responsibility or if he deserved. He was still young, why should he be forced to. Finally she spoke up, “You must have read the wrong box or something, are you sure that’s who my parents left as legal guardian?”
The principle’s eyes became questioning, “Yes, I’m positive. Believe me, wouldn’t make a mistake like that. Also, I know that you’ve gone through a lot, but Officer Gilson has a favor to ask of you.”
The statement made Macey curios but she just listened as Officer Gilson talked, “I know this will be rough, but I have to ask you to come down to the morgue with me, to identify your parents.”
The thought made her mind swirl, with a sound of detest in her voice she said, “Identify? You came over here, told me my parents are dead, and you still need me to identify them!”
Officer Gilson didn’t have a look of surprise on his face, no, it looked like it was used to the reaction. “Yes, well, we’re 99% positive it’s your parents. But for reasons of the law we need you to confirm that-to make it 100%. I know it’s tough, but you seem like a strong girl.”
Macey laughed, his last sentence amused her, with a harsh chuckle she said, “A strong girl, huh? Yes, because everyone who goes out running like a maniac is strong. Hasn’t anyone told you, lying gets you no where?”
What Macey expected to hear was, I wasn’t lying, you’re a strong girl because… However, she was surprised he didn’t say that. Instead, the older man said, “Fine, I won’t lie to you. You actually seem quite weak, and childish. But I will say you also seem smart, and I feel with time you can handle this. Happy now? I’m not lying.”
Instead of feeling hurt, Macey welcomed the feeling of honesty, rather that plastic words. “No, I’m not happy-my parents are dead in case you forgot. I will say I’m satisfied though.”
Officer Gilson stood up and said, “My police car is outside, I’m going to let you go upstairs and bring one of your friends along if you’d like.”
Standing up, Macey grabbed her backpack. She was in no mood to talk to anyone else, to tell anyone else. Though, for a few fleeting seconds she thought of her friend Alexis. The thought quickly vanished. With a grim look she said, “I’m fine, I just want to get this over with.”
She had finally pulled herself together, but she knew the minute she saw the faces of the people that were her own flesh and blood she’d break down. Walking down the long path that led to the parking lot, she sighed. The officer opened the passenger door for her, at that moment she’d rather be taken to jail and sitting in the back seat of the vehicle. She’d be totally fine with that as long as all of what just happened wasn’t true.
However, it was. So as she shut the door, and pushed her backpack to the floor, she swallowed. Officer Gilson got in the car, and so started a whole new phase of her life. With every minute that passed new thoughts came into her head, all of them starting with, what if?
They finally reached the hospital. Officer Gilson said, “Leave you backpack here, you won’t need it inside.” Doing as he said, Macey followed him inside. When the got inside, Officer Gilson asked the front desk what elevator they should use. She pointed to one at the end of the hallway, Macey found that…creepy. Trudging behind him, she watched as he pressed the button and it lit up.
Soon, the doors slid open and they stepped inside. It was cold and unwelcoming, like she was entering a colder hell. They went to the lowest floor of the hospital, as the doors opened once more. A cold hand seemed to touch her making her shiver with fear rather than coldness. Her eyes scanned the room ahead of her to see tables that were covered with white sheets. She could see the outlines of bodies.
Knowing two of them were her parents, she broke down. Her knees became loose and she fell to the bottom of the elevator. Macey started sobbing, the feeling of realness entered her once more. It hurt her. Instead of forcing her to get up, Officer Gilson simply bent down besides her and put his hand on her shoulder. He whispered, “Don’t worry, you’re not being weak, you’re only being human.”
He asked if I could just step out of the elevator, knowing he was right, Macey slid out on her butt. At least an hour passed before he and the medical examiner got her to calm down. Finally though, she brought up the courage to stand up. As she slowly followed the lady in green scrubs, she thought she heard whispers. The whispers she knew were the silence that surrounded her, the silence that only the dead could have.
The woman asked if she was ready, nodding her head Macey braced herself. The lady uncovered two bodies. The lifeless eyes of her parents stared back at her. She wanted to cry more, but her eyes seemed to be out of tears. Then she took a step forward, she knew what she was about to do seemed a bit weird, or maybe it wasn’t. She had never been in that exact position before.
Lowering her head, she placed her lips of the forehead of her mother then her father. Their bodies were still a bit warm, their skin still had a bit of color to them, but Macey knew they were dead and that they would stay that way.
Without saying anything to either of the adults in the room, she walked to elevator, and pressed the button that took Macey to the lobby. Sitting in a chair that was place around a coffee table, all she did was stare. It’s all real. The same thought bounced back into her head. As she sat, a single tear rolled down her face, then one more and so it continued. She quietly cried again. As she sat there, a new thought entered her head, pushing aside the old one. Macey knew she had, had a good life but still she couldn’t help but think, Why must this be my life?
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hello there.
Put it in italics so we know she's thinking this. Her words specifically.
Again, this is what she's thinking.Though I would change the second sentence so it matches the third person POV, becasue I find it weird to read when it's in her POV...
I rephrased it...
The story is told from the past, correct? But these words were passing through her mind at the moment... I don't even know if I'm making any sense.
The part in bold and red, I can't quiet understand what you're trying to say.
I think it's more dramatic if you put a period at the end.
You seem to have quiet a lot of punctuation mistakes, so I would recommend that you proof read your work and make sure that the comma's are there when you make a pause, and you put a period when there's a full stop or a change in ideas. This is farely easy to correct, so I'm counting on you doing this... Another thing is that you sometimes switch the POV. I think I've only seen it once, but you should be aware of that and correct that as well.
For the overall impression, I thought this story was great, and the plot seems interresting enough. I would try to make this story a little different from others, though. It seems like the "parent's dying and leaving for another place/ falling in love" story has already been writing a lot of times, so I'm looking forward to reading more of this and see what did you do to make it your own. One thing that I would like to see however, is the reason they died. You didn't mention it when the principal was talking to Macey, and as for me, it's pretty important in the story, right? Anyways, maybe you want to write that as well.
Keep writing!
-Other One
You did a good job, it flowed and it was heart breaking, if I was in Macey's position, I would just totally freak out crying. This is a sad story, but I can't wait to read more. Great job!
Keep Writing
~Cassie~
I like the character,Macey.U qrote the novel very well.Good
I thought this was written really well and clear, in your writing you write really simple and clear which helps get the meaning across. My favorite part of this chapter was the description of what she was feeling when she found out that her parents died. It was detailed and talked about her emotions and feelings really well. The only thing that you should fix throughout the story is adding more detail to images, and places around the characters. Maybe you could add a sentence here or there describing the scenery or what the atmosphere is like.
Good Job on this! I will be looking out for the second chapter and if you could, can you message me when you post it? Thank you for posting! Keep up the good work great, writing!
-Snickerdooly