Nurse Sheppard looked at me as Harry closed the door.
“What happened here?” she asked in a soft voice.
Harry laid me down on a leather covered bench.
He didn’t leave the room and said, “She got hit by a basketball.” He indicated my black eye.
She got off her chair and came up to me.
I was lying down and I noticed that she was the most wrinkled person I’ve ever seen!
Her brown eyes scanned my eye.
I shivered once her finger touched my face.
“It’s okay, don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you,” she whispered.
I wasn’t shivering because of that. I was shivering because she was touching me. No one likes Nurse Sheppard.
I simply nodded and looked at Harry.
My heart skipped a beat and I felt an odd, warm sensation shape at the bottom of my stomach. He caught me staring and I looked away.
“Oh, it will be fine. Just lay an ice pack on it.” That’s her answer to everything.
I stared at her, baffled by her response.
“Nurse Sheppard, I think that an ice pack isn’t enough.” Harry spoke up as he leaned against the white brick wall.
She shot him a glare and he protested. “Nurse Sheppard! She is hurt!”
My stomach grew butterflies. He cares about me.
No, I hate him. Remember?
I tried to get my brain to think properly but it just wouldn’t listen.
He’s an ass.
He’s ugl-handsome.
What? No, I did not just say that.
He’s horrible.
No, he cares.
Uh! Getting myself to think straight was like trying to convince left was right!
“Fine, you check her out yourself Mr. Heirts.” Nurse Sheppard gave up.
He rolled his eyes and sat next to me.
It was hard for me to breathe then.
“Hey,” I said stupidly.
Hey? Seriously? Was I that caught on?
His eyes stared into mine as I couldn’t help but smile.
“Hey,” he replied.
His hand touched my cheek and I tingled at his touch.
“I’m so stupid.” I admitted.
“Why…?” he laughed.
“I just said ‘hey’ and you’re just right there!” I slapped my forehead softly but still felt pain.
I cringed and Harry laughed once more.
“See…?” I protested.
“No, you’re not stupid –you’re cute.” He smiled.
My heart started to beat more faster, like crazy!
He looked at my eye more closely as his fingers got closer to it.
“Actually all you do need is an ice pack.” He laughed at himself.
“How do you know?” I asked doubtfully.
“I play soccer and the soccer ball once rammed my eye. I got the same black eye as you.” He replied.
Oh crap, we have something in common.
I felt hot, out of nowhere.
“For how long?” I asked.
“Uh, two weeks.”
“That’s good,” I smiled even wider than before.
His smile appereaed as well.
Why. Do. I. Feel. Like. This?
Why…?
I do not like him, under any circumstances. I do not.
“You kids can stop flirting in my office now, and here’s an ice pack.” The nurse interrupted us.
I blushed as I sat up.
Harry took the ice pack and pulled me off the bench.
***
We were walking toward the bus. I was expecting a simple ride home with my friend Georgie that stood at my side. Then, I would do my homework and head to sleep.
Someone tapped my shoulder and I turned around.
My heart stopped.
“Hey,” Harry greeted the smae way as before.
I felt hot once again and Georgie pulled my backpack.
“Hey,” I said.
His smile carried me away from this boring world.
“Can you… no, um,” he was deep in thought.
Georgie pulled me again and I turned around giving her a small glare.
Actually, I should’ve given that to Harry. I hate him.
He brushed his hair with his hand and spoke up “Jess, um, would you like to, uh.”
Crap, he was doing it.
“No,” I whispered.
Thank God he didn’t hear that.
No, he should have heard it.
OH MY GOD!
“What were you gonna ask?” I asked.
“Uh, would you like to come with me? I have a surprise.” He finally spit out.
My heart beat harder and I couldn’t breathe.
“Yes, I mean –I would love to,” I replied with a smile.
What the hell am I doing?!
He returned the smile and held my hand.
He led me towards his Ford Pick-up truck.
I turned back to see Gerogie’s reaction.
Her jaw fell open in shock.
I just chuckled and leaned into Harry’s side.
He was so warm…
Hold on!
I looked up at Harry’s face.
Did I even know who I was walking with?
I pulled away and stopped in front of Harry’s truck.
He turned back and looked at me with a confused grin.
“No way in hell,” I spit out in shock.
He came up to me. “What’s wrong?” he simply asked.
What? Was I stupid or something? Did I have to explain to myself tons of times the same thing to get the point?!
“Everything is wrong Harry; why am I doing this?” I whispered the last part to myself.
“Well…?”
I looked at him straight into those brown beady eyes.
I couldn’t speak.
My throat was, um, clogged?
I turned around on my heel and headed towards the buses.
Harry was running behind me. He grabbed my arm as I tried to pull it out of his grip.
“Let go,” I demanded, sternly.
“You gotta go with me.” he said, pulling even harder.
“No!” I yelled.
He let me go and I ran toward the big yellow bus.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter I Hate Him *2 part 1*Points:
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140,582 Literary Works • 673,538 Reviews
Hi there Nike! Since you followed my novel, and there are a whole lot of your pieces floating around at the moment I thought I'd give this a try
Put some more emotion into the words. Explain why they hate her. Otherwise it's just words, and your reader won't care. No, she didn't. She thought it.Am I a stalker you ask? Yes. Yes I am.
I wasn't going to nitpick because Whisperer did such a great job already but I did have a problem with this:
Overall
This has the potential to be a good piece but you need to work on your writing technique. In a lot of places you had confused your tenses and the dialogue was a little choppy. Try to make your sentences flow a little better and remember: show not tell!
Hey!
Sorry if I'm acting so strange but it's about Three o'clock in the morning here and I had about four expressos in the last hour. Anyway I love this story and can't wait to read the rest after I get another jolt of caffine in me. 
I really liked this a lot. It has definite potential and I am so excited to read the rest! There were some spelling mistakes, "apereaer=appear" and "smae=same" That was the only bad things about it. I llike how they're not really in complete paragraph form. Like it's actually coming from a mind. I don't know if other people have this problem but I can't think in complete paragraphs.
-Charlotte Grace
I just loved the chapter!!1 Its brilliant.... And i am hoping very very hard that coming part is awesome too!!!!
bugbug368, You have to read ahead to find out. I'm so mean to put it later grr! But I just wanted to surprise all of you, I'm so happy that you all enjoy this! Thank you for reading!
Nike
It would be nice if you put why she hates him. Like said before, it's annoying that there isn't even a sentance there to say why.
Overall, I thought is was a good peice and I'd like to read more, and I probably will.
This is really good I am going to read the whole thing
The next chapter is here: viewtopic.php?t=72859
Hey there.
I didn't think that you'd really make a continuation since the first one was posted in Romantic Short Stories. lol
Anyway, I've got nitpicks for you:
- Place a comma after 'said'.
- Replace the period after 'you' with a comma and don't capitalize 's' in 'she'.
- It grew butterflies?? xD You may need to find a more creative verb here but, I think, I'm fine with it.
- I think that this should rather be 'circumstances'.
- I think that you should put a comma after 'Then'.
- Repeated? You can't directly say that he 'repeated' it 'cause it was so last scene. xD Maybe, you meant: 'Harry said/greeted like he did earlier.' or 'Harry said/greeted, the same way as bfore.'
- I think, it would be better if you separate the first sentence from the second one (with 'Enter' xD).
I liked this chapter as much as the previous one.
Tell me when you post the next chapter.
Hey Nike, this story is amazing! I think it is a really good idea for the stories main "problem". Sure there really isn't anything that catches attention yet but this is only the first chapter, there isn't much you could have done. This one and the first one both truly deserve their place on the featured list. I can't wait to read more!
-Jem
I love this story(: I want to know what the surprise is! PLEASE PM me when you add more! I love how I get to see inside the MC's brain and it's so relatable. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.
<3 gabbs.
Hello there.
I think this is the only thing I could find for the nitpicking.
This is coming along great, and I'm looking forward to reading more. I don't think I have anything bad to say.
Keep writing!
-Other One
Rememberme, I think that was kept out for a reason. You said you really wanted to know why - that's why it shouldn't be included. It keeps the person reading.
This was an alright piece. It didn't exactly catch my attention in any special way.
I liked the second but I loved the first. Like I said, I think you should explain why she hates him. I'm really curious why.
This is a great addition to you're first chapter.
I did notice that this,
sounded a little awkward. I think it would sound better as, 'take shape', but that might just be me.
Over all, it's extremely well done. I can't wait to see what happens next.