tgirly

Hello, and welcome to YWS! Wow, what an action-filled story you've got here. I'm assuming from the 1 after the title that this is the first chapter of a longer ...

LOVE this poem. There's a simplicity and humbleness to the fact that the subject matter is this inanimate object-- an unlit candle-- that you then elevate by being super intentional ...

“Perfect weather for it to dry,” said the girl and smiled. Annabel had met such people like Susanne before. They could talk about things that dejected them but be happy-go-lucky ...

Hello! This is a really compelling first chapter! I thought the switch from the really happy, peaceful dream/memory to this new, really harsh reality worked incredibly well. I also loved ...

This is a wonderful fable! You do a really good job of writing really efficiently, setting up the setting, character, and conflict right away, and adding enough description for us ...

This is a punchy poem, getting a lot into a really small space. There's a lot to dissect here, and I like that. You do a lot of juxtaposing of ...

Oh my gosh. That's a heck of a last line. It's so perfect. I love it. That's a great ending. Congratulations, by the way, on reaching the end. That's a ...

"Oh," Janny said, as the door popped open, "Goodbye then, I suppose." Love this reaction; very realistic and on-character. The sight he was greeted with when he entered was intense ...

“Well… not anymore. But close enough!” the captain shouted. Janny winced at the volume, but smiled wide at the invitation. This line confused me because I wasn't quite certain what ...

Oh! I love this whole concept of how much harder it is to heal/come to terms with wounds when there's not physical, tangible sign that harm's been done. I read ...

She held Chip's gaze, and his eyes quickly widened and looked away. He looked around at the others, his back hunching over as he shrank into the ground. She probably ...

You don't need quite so many dialogue tags, especially considering there are only two characters present at the moment. “I… I’m not…” Janny’s throat was tight and his brain felt ...

Even though Janny's committed to this mission, I like how you can still tell he's not fully comfortable talking with the computer, through his kind of awkward, stuttering speech. Janny ...

You do a wonderful job making the whole missile situation feel just a little bit ridiculous in a good way. It reminds me of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and ...

Love the name Clandestine. You do a really great job of showing how stressed Clandestine is and walking us through her thoughts. So many people forget to do this, because ...