z

Young Writers Society



The Lump Of Clay

by Gnomish


Mr. Clay was dug out of the soft riverbank one day, and placed in a bowl. The bowl was in an art workshop, and slowly he watched people come and go. They brought colorful plants, and squeezed out the dye to make beautiful pictures. They brought rich paints that they mixed and made masterpieces with. Mr. Clay sat in his bowl sadly.

“I’m just a lump of clay.” He thought. “I’ll never be able to turn into anything beautiful.”

However, as he waited, and looked on sadly as amazing things were created, the woman who had dug him out of the riverbank added more lumps of clay to the bowl.

“Why does she bother?” Mr. Clay said to himself. “We’ll never be beautiful!”

One day the woman brought in a group of people carrying nothing with them. She walked around the workshop, showing them the paintings and pictures other people had done. Finally, she walked towards the bowl. Mr. Clay was confused. She’d never taken any clay out before. Someone grabbed him, and carried him over to a flat wheel. He sat there while the woman talked some more. Then the man who had picked him up began to spin the wheel. Mr. Clay sat spinning on the wheel for a while, before it stopped moving, and he was left alone. Just when he had stopped feeling dizzy, the man picked him up and carried him to a table covered with paint bottles.

“What’s going on?” Mr. Clay wondered. “Are they painting me?”

Sure enough, the man dipped the paintbrush in the paint and began to paint him. After a long time, the man stopped, and carried him back to the little table.

On the way, Mr. Clay glanced in the mirror, and couldn’t believe his eyes! He was no longer just a lump of clay; he was a shiny painted clay bowl, with images of birds all around the sides!

Later that day, the man took him to a little white house and placed him in the middle of the table. Whenever the man had guests, he pointed to Mr. Clay proudly, as if he was the best bowl in the world.

So, even though you may think you are plain or ugly, you too, are beautiful!


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Mon Oct 28, 2019 4:32 am
dahlia58 wrote a review...



This was a very positive read.^^ Was this work meant to be a children's story? It is certainly good enough to educate young kids on how to appreciate themselves more. Mr. Clay is a lovable character, and I especially liked the last few lines of the story. So many people tend to forget their own beauty when they keep comparing themselves to others...

Please do write more. ^^




Gnomish says...


Thanks for the positive review! This was meant to be a children's story, and I'm glad you liked it!



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Mon Oct 28, 2019 12:23 am
RanaNoodles wrote a review...



Hi!
I am absolutely in love with the name Mr.Clay. For some reason, I was expecting something more adult and sophisticated, but this works just as well! Mr.Clay actually kind of reflects the supposed plainness of Mr.Clay before he was turned into a bowl.
This piece is so relatable it’s almost sad. Aside from being a gazillion and a half feet tall, I’m just ordinary, but this piece started to change my perception of that.
It kind of makes me wonder if you’re writing this from experience or for inspiration. Either way, it’s an amazing piece!
The only thing I would change is when Mr.Clay changes his mind. It just seems a little
Hopefully this is helpful!
-Rana Noodles




Gnomish says...


I think your sentence cut off after "It just seems a little..."
Glad you liked it!



RanaNoodles says...


Oh I didn't mean to do that, haha.



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Wed Oct 02, 2019 12:29 am
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WinnyWriter says...



Some good thoughts going on here.




Gnomish says...


Thanks!



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Tue Oct 01, 2019 4:54 am
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tgirly wrote a review...



This is a wonderful fable! You do a really good job of writing really efficiently, setting up the setting, character, and conflict right away, and adding enough description for us to picture everything, so it doesn't feel rushed at all. It reminded me of The Ugly Duckling in quality and message.

One small thing that you might want to take a look at: because you're trying to keep the language simple, in the style of fables like this, you can sometimes overuse certain words. the line where it stuck out to me the most was:

Sure enough, the man dipped the paintbrush in the paint and began to paint him.
That's a lot of paint for such a short space. I might do a quick read-through paying attention specifically to the diversity of word choice throughout the piece. The nice thing about short pieces like this is you can do specific read-throughs like that without it taking too long.

Normally in a story, I would comment about how many exclamation marks you use, but I think, for this piece in particular, because of the nostalgic tone you're going for reminiscent of fairy tales and fables, it works for this one.

Great work! Hope this review helped.
-tgirly
This review courtesy of
Image




Gnomish says...


Thanks! I'll try to find an alternative for that section!



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Tue Oct 01, 2019 2:52 am
Atticus wrote a review...



Hey there Gnomish! Tuck dropping by for a quick review :)

Overall, I liked the way that you personified clay in this poem and showed things from its (their? not sure what the correct pronouns for clay are lol) perspective. It made the story unique and interesting and gave it a little bit of character that set it apart from other stories.

On the whole, this story was quite simple and straightforward, and I think it could have benefited from a little more description and characterization. There's not a lot of content here, and it seems like you have more of a bare-bones idea than a finished, perfected story. I'd like to see you expand it and add some more detail to make it even more compelling.

Secondly, I actually think that might want to take out the last line. The story would be more powerful if you allowed the reader to come to that conclusion themselves, and it's a bit of a flawed comparison. The clay wasn't beautiful in its original form; it had to be changed and shaped and molded into something that was beautiful. That aside, though, it is a bit of a cliche idea, and it is a bit jarring to step away from the story and speak from a different perspective.

And as a final, more minor note, I think that referring to the clay as "Mr. Clay" gave it both a childish and a more formal vibe. Changing it to "Clay" would make it easier to connect with the character, at least in my opinions, because the connotations are different, and Clay is also a traditional male name, so it works out pretty well ;)

Overall, though, you have a good start! I hope that my suggestions have given you some ideas of how to improve on it! If you have any questions just let me know and I'll get back to you. I hope that you found this helpful and not overly harsh, for my intention was never to be overly critical but only to give you some tips and my honest feedback.

Happy RevMo!

~Tuckster




Gnomish says...


Thanks for the review!
I agree it could have been a bit more detailed but I wanted to keep it kind of simple because when I wrote it I aimed for it to be a kid's book.




I just write poetry to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief. I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway.
— Vogon Captain (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)