sweetcapris

I think the message is great, and I love the last stanza! I feel like you'll have to comb through the rhythm and work out some glitches to really make ...

This is silly. I had no clue the first time I read it. Then I thought about some psychedelic lyrical outburst of words... and when I think of it that ...

This is amazing. Anyone who has ever lost a loved one can relate. It is lovely and well structured and completely heart-felt and emotional. The only TINY tiny thing I ...

Someone [scared?], Someone crying, Someone on the inside, dying please please please do not put any "is" in this. I think the rhythm in this is awesome. Don't weaken it ...

I have to agree with tennisprincess, your words are great and intense, but I'm not sure the message behind them is strong enough. While its DEFINITELY important to have great ...

Great imagery in here! really awesome word choice. After reading though, I wished the rhythm could have been stronger; it seemed a few lines were a little wordy. Its a ...

hhehehe Yay! It's you! Thank you for writing a poem about you and me and our amazing love, my blossom beauty. lol, no for realz, this is a pretty sweet ...

not too bad. I like its simplicity. The beginning had a bit too much repetition of "I can see/I see" -- repetition is not always bad, but with such a ...

I felt like you have a lot of great ideas, but none were quite complete or developed. Now, that's not always a bad thing, but in this particular piece, I ...

I understand the poem. I mean to say that your message is quite clear. It's a topic that is often written about... which MEANS then, that you need to shed ...

I love the idea of weaving a message into nature and its courses. First of all I wanted to commend you on your attention to rhythm throughout the piece. It's ...

Wow, I really enjoyed the wispy flow of this poem. And while sometimes it's difficult to make appropriate line breaks, I thought you did a pretty good job and breaking ...

Well first of all I want to say that you've got a pretty sound message that you've portrayed pretty nicely. The subject is something that MANY many people can relate ...

Ooooh, I like it. One thing to consider though-- because the repetition of "bottle, bottle" is so strong and rhythmic, maybe consider making the rest of each stanza just as ...

I agree. Some very elegant words here; they construct the tone of the poem and compliment its topic very nicely. I hate to be a stickler, and I know a ...