Published April 21, 2008
Crisp, the rising, is the suppressed sol,
Bind seasons' promises compelled you to keep,
Laugh, cerise lips, on the jade knoll,
Slow over the fruitless, undulance of sleep.
Beguile the loveless, the lifeless, the ruthless;
Enchant the land euphoric and serene.
Shy away Snow of Winter for Day is endless,
Allure the unknowing with beauty of green.
Regret not losses in apples of our lives,
Bury not truths you find as lies rotten;
Existence flows, still breathes, still thrives,
For time is waning, dwindling, forgotten.
I can hear the meek cry of longing;
Footsteps I know of Summer running.
** Note: For those of you who do not know what a sonnet it, a sonnet is a poem that has fourteen lines.
The rhyme scheme is A, B, A, B, C, D, C, D, E, F, E, F, G, G, so lines one and three, two and four, etc, and lines thirteen and fourteen should rhyme.
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139,347 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
I’m not that familiar with sonnets, so I don’t know if this is good or bad, but the rhythm was off.
Also, sometimes I didn’t quite understand what was happening. But that’s some of the magic of a poem.
Love that line,
This is a lovely poem. The more you read it, the more you understand.
Keep writing!
-Y
Wow.
All I can say is wow.
Like others have said, your rhymes are fabulous. Whenever I try to rhyme, it makes my poems pretty lame because it doesn't even make sense. Haha...
I looooove all your vocabulary words. Awesome. You sure have a way with words!
Kudos to you!
~Mateeah
That was great!! I loved the way that you used metephors and extensive word choice. An excellent piece - keep writing!
sigh.. I'm sad. There's nothing for me to help you with. Other than a good review of this. Its really great. I just love the way you use the words so creativly ^_^
I give you an A+
Great work...
What's striking about this is its positivity; your outlook on life (or the world, or whatever) seems to be really optimistic, and not satisfied to dwell on the negative. That's unusual in poetry, of every kind.
Your imagery's beautiful:
''Enchant the land euphoric and serene''...
''Allure the unknowing with beauty of green''.
Whats strange is that these aren't particularly unusual images, but they do appear perfect and celestial in the context of the poem, which is great. They're powerful, put simply.
Hmm... I hate reviewing something without leaving critiscm and a way to improve, but to be honest I don't have one. That's a sign of great work methinks!
I am impressed. Your use of imagery is great and the rhyming works out very well. It's the first work of yours that I read, but I will definitely keep reading
I really don't see where you're going with this. I like the rhyming and rhythm, though. I just don't see the meaning in this. Also, I'd like to point out a problem with your first stanza:
"sol", and "knoll", I don't think they're words. Try to find other words to put in place of them.
Try to expand this and add more details into this to show the meaning. I hope this helps!
-Rick.
Picturesque? Nice word :]
Thank you, ChildofEden, for the compliments and I'll work a little more on the rhythm.
- Summerless <3
Very picturesque, I like it! The rhythm took a little working out in my head, but I love the way you worded it all! Great job!
Thank you everyone for the compliments and critiques.
Sol is Latin (and Spanish) for "sun."
I will work on the last couplet at the end. ^ _ ~
Once again, I appreciate all of the comments I am getting!
- Summerless <3~
Wow...
Just wow...
That was...wow
Hehe that was very good!
I really like it! Awesome!
Great! Amazing even!
~Lulu
This was beautiful! I adored it!
I love the language you used in this; it was lovely, and perfect, and unique. I loved 'undulance' and 'cerise' especially:)
"Slow over the fruitless, undulance of sleep." I'd take out the comma between fruitless and undulance. Fruitless is describing undulance, right?
"...is the suppressed sol," Sol=soul?
Yes, quite fantasmic, and definitely worthy of another star:) *stars*
*adna*
I was reading, and thinking "Well this is oddly written." I enjoyed it immensely, but I got to then end and had an epiphany. "Oh! It's a sonnet!." I feel dumb for not realizing it sooner. It's very well down. I actually really liked the rhyming, but for the most part I agree with the other reviewers. Vocabulary! Hazah!
I don't think Cerise is the word you're looking for. I think there are better, two syllable words for a red stone out there. I can see your intent, and I like it, but my personal sense of phrase balks at that word.My own notes include some possible typos in the first stanza, and this line
Otherwise, fantastically written. That's hard to do with this type of poetry. Congratulations for pulling it off.
Wow, this made me want to write sonnets! Great vocabulary you've got there! And rhyming worked, too.
i had to laugh when I saw deafwriter_19 saying that. But that's mainly in the very last line. And it's not too bad.
and a golden star.
It's true about that Yoda thing...
Thanks for telling what's a sonnet, I had always wondered that. So extra points for that
Wishing for more sonnets by you,
Demeter
I chose your poem for my 50th review; what a poem! Really well done.
Your language is fluent, eloquent and perfectly captures the speaker's sense of longing (or that's how I interpreted it anyway).
The only thing I'd say is that the rhythm in the line "Shy away Snow..." doesn't quite work; if you could clear this up this would be much appreciated.
Your work shows exceeding promise; your choice of words is excellent! I'm feeling all romantic now... hehe.
I look forward to seeing more of your work. Well done once again. 9/10
Gahks
This is really good! I've always tried writing poems that rhymed, but they never turn out that well.
What I liked best about your poem is that the words are very pretty and vivid.
Good job!!
The rhyming isn'y great, but wow! What a fantastic way you have with words. Gold star for you
Keep writing,
Bkwrm
haven't attempted a sonnet in at least a year...very hard.
you're rhyming wasn't perfect, but that's really in my opinion the least important part of a poem. just part of the structure stuff we all have to deal with.
the most important for me is the meaning of the words you put down, and no complaints there.
good job!
I agree. Some very elegant words here; they construct the tone of the poem and compliment its topic very nicely.
I hate to be a stickler, and I know a few people have mentioned it already, but last impressions are just as important as first impressions... that said, maybe search for a better rhyme for the end couplet-- it's the couplet that brings the whole sonnet together, it's got to be strong!
Anyway, I know how difficult it is to write sonnets and I think yours is pretty dern awesome. keep it up!
s
I like this! I'm not a very big fan of poetry but oh well. I still liked this. And i agree with deafwriter_19... I did have this image of Yoda when i read it. But otherwise, beautiful!
Alex
This is a great sonnet. Such beautiful language! I loved it!
The last two lines different really rhyme though.
sol = soul?
undulance = fantastic word there! I love it.
Great poem! Your rhyming is wonderful. I'm a little picky when I say the ending couplet could be a closer rhyme. I'm not satisfied with just an "-ing," maybe "-oning," but whatever. Great first attempt! My first sonnet was certainly worse: A Sonnet to My Moose
Keep writing!
~Yoyo
wow, awesome. Real good words, real good feeling. I like it.
"Laugh, cerise lips, on the jade knoll,
Slow over the fruitless, undulance of sleep.
Beguile the loveless, the lifeless, the ruthless;
Enchance the land euphoric and serene.
Shy away Snow of Winter for Day is endless,
Allure the unknowing with beauty of green."
fantastic.
This is a marvelous sonnet. I loved the topic, but I think some words can be moved around because honestly I had this image in my head of Yoda reading your poem. I think it needs some reaggranging--but that's just me. I loved the imagery. SO vivid! Great for a first attempt at poetry!