Sampoop!
Okay. I'll be throatcutting honest with ya. I did not like this.
It's not that it's bad or anything, because, apparently, everyone else thinks it was terrific. On the other hand, I do not think it even comes close to some of your other poems.
You definitely had a bunch of nice phrases. The first sentence, obviously--"take this lightning scar and twist it"--wonderful imagery. The first stanza. The second stanza. The third stanza.
But then again, let's move back a little and take a look at stanza #1 :
"I found your handprint on the mirror—
the markings were unique, as promised,
but the curves fell in familiar locations
and the measurements remained absolute. "
I don't like how far away, distant it is from the reader. It's as if you had a secret handshake with your poem which the reader can't comprehend. "as promised" specifically distances itself from the reader. Promised what? When? And what do you mean when you say that the measurements remained absolute?
The next (line) is weird. Why does it just pop up like that in the middle of the poem? Same thing with first line. Not that it's stupid or not interesting. It's just superficial. I saw the same sort of thing in the Other Fiction story you wrote, the really good one, with all the different stories and whatnot. But it was okay there, since that was the entire premise. Here, it's not okay.
"The angles that pierce your sides
never amounted to anything more
than a matter of degrees, and
where the end begins,
I found a series of portraitures:
all of them perfect,
yet torn like the
breath from your lungs."
This here is good, I could somehow pin my finger on what you meant, but for the most part it was ambiguous. What are the angles that pierce your side? Are they the person's troubles, their fears, their words, or are they just mathematical figures? And it's not okay if someone says that this is up for interpertation. Because that seriously drives me maaaaad. Then the "where the end begins"--is that death? is that the moments before death? ARRRGHHH. It's like an Algebra problem that can't be solved, and that's not good, because this poem started like an Algebra problem and it has to end like one too. It's like you don't give us the first value so then we can't really do anything with the second value you gave us. Am I just rambling?
Anyway... so no, I don't think this really hit the jackpot for me. I felt like I've read it before. Like it could use some tidying up. Of course, it's definitely not terrible. But I expect something just a little better and more original and readable when I skim through Sam's portfolio.
PM me if you disagree with me and want to rip my guts out with your toenails.
Points: 1108
Reviews: 404
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