smorgishborg

Your writing ability is not the issue, nor is the subject matter. What's so terribly wrong about this poem is an issue so huge I can only hope to contain ...

I enjoyed it as well- it was fairly conventional but had enough of an offbeat quality to throw the reader and provide a memorable reading experience. I generally echo Snoink's ...

Much as I love short, descriptive poems, I have to concur- you haven't given us quite enough at the end. But you're pretty close. As they told me, In contrast ...

A compendium of good last-lines for poems is not, in itself, a particularly good poem. What is left unsaid are the circumstances- why are you unhappy? Why is the world ...

Not bad by any stretch, but there's work to be done. Comments in the spoiler. every time I gazed into your eyes I melted tiny jolts rushed through out my ...

There's effort here, but just not enough. Before you even tackle the issue of the misfit last line, (Pgs is right, by the way- it's an awkward phrase)you've got to ...

It's a very common angle to work on, and yeah you DO have to make it your own . But there's hope because the poem itself was not a total ...

The title is interesting, I just wish it made more sense with the poem. Edits under spoiler. I burned the world, with a box of matches. And I laughed all ...

You clearly have enough ability to make this work, but there is quite a bit of polishing to be done. See spoiler. Each step lingered on the broken road, as ...

The effort is there, but all I got out of this poem was an incomprehensible rhyme scheme, and a collection of tried and true imagery. There's probably too much that ...

First of all, I need to repeat the plea that you stick to one point of view. "Careful not to slip" and then the next line "Little Turtle..." are particularly ...

I am no expert but the first and second lines are identical *** I love Basho, but I regret to say that he is as far as my knowledge regarding ...

Tale of two poems. There's a gaping hole in the center of the poem - a critical disconnect between the first six lines and the remainder. I mean, the beginning ...

Swimming in my own fears mixed with sorrow Really? I mean, really? Please explain to me what that line means . It's one of those lines that's conjured out of ...

I can see emotion and potential in this, but it's not reaching anywhere near the potential that it deserves. The spacing is significantly better in the first version; the second ...