sicklee

Hi! First of all, I really like this. I think that the title could be a lot more creative - maybe a small reference to the situation that inspired you ...

I really enjoyed this! You conveyed your message very well. Wisdom (and patience). This part is rather awkward. I would take away the bit about patience altogether - you don't ...

This is breattaking, I have to say. I think you need to go back and add some commas and periods here and there, just to make the enjambment clearer, but ...

This is so cute! It does seem rushed, which is good because the feelings you describe are very in-the-moment and passionate. I quite like thisI don't think I understand the ...

I love how short and simple this is - I think it works really well. Nothing more needs to be said; it's very stream-of-consciousness. Her new patent-leather shoes hurt. And ...

Hi, RepublicofCoter! I'm not a huge fan of haikus in general, but this one is quite good. It adheres to all the rules and traditions of haikus - very beautiful ...

This is beautiful! I do think you could add a rhyme scheme and it would fit well - it seems to be just dying for one, doesn't it? Go back ...

I agree with KatTrain - this poem is all tell and no show. You don't even tell what happened - you exaggerate it so much that I'm not exactly sure ...

Hi there! You are an incredible poet - I love reading everything you write. Just a few quick nitpicks... Every moment it seemed hard to breathe, "Harder" would sound better ...

This is gorgeous! The imagery is luscious but still captures a lot of emotion. The dragon bit is my favorite part - it's really the heart of the poem. I ...

Hi, kikialicia31! This poem covers so much emotion in such a simple way - I really enjoyed it. I think SilentRain covered most of what I wanted to say - ...

I agree with Calligraphy - this seems like it would be a better short story than a poem. You don't give a lot of description of events or of your ...

I have a cold at this very moment (...which is how I got my username...fail...), so I can relate to this poem really well! *sniff*. Some minor criticisms, though. It ...

I really like this! It feels very honest to me, so it's probably good that you left it as your first draft. I really see where you're coming from. Only ...

I adore "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" and certainly see the resemblance! This definitely conveys a lot of the emotional confusion of the original work. However, I do ...