sabradan

Need chord progression/tablature/notes to give a full critique (for songs I like to play the music as well, to see how well the words mesh with the music)

*Yawns* oh, yeah, wait, okay, so your poem, it was confusing. I sense no whatever the other person said. Plus I'm tired and an suffering through English class right now, ...

I'm not saying perfect diction means "perfect eloquence" and whatnot, but it does need to be perfect in the sense that it conveys its message, and meaning, as well as ...

Yeah, like I said: first draft. I'm going to flush it out a little more tomorrow (hopefully) and maybe some more...maybe a scene about dealing with Harry coming to terms ...

Yeah, thats what I was worried about. After all, I'm a guy, and I don't really DO love scenes, especailly ones like this so I was worried about that. Thanks ...

All I can really say on this, Snoink, m'dear, is that this was HILARIOUS. My only real critique is maybe instead of saying "she promptly shot at dawn" SHOW us ...

I think there should be something more about CCF. After all, you mentioned it, yet did not expand on it at all. CCF must be mentioned.

Just a note, in Viet Nam (where the My Lai massacre took place) it is lush jungle, so they wouldn't be wearing khaki. More dark greens and browns...jungle pattern camo.

I would add some spanish phrases for effect, personally. I'm kinda preoccupied and tired at the moment, so I'll come back later with a more developed, full critique.

This is good, but the point of drinking is kind of to let go, and thus, make a fool of yourself. No?

I agree with DQ. The only other thing I have to say is that there is no corn in Viet Nam. They grow rice, not corn.

No, Ares, cholesterol products and complex fats (i.e. grease, mayo, cheese, etc) will do the trick better I don't even remember writing this.

Its too bland. Use more adjectives. I am very tired and its late and I have a very busy day tomorrow, so thats all I'll say for now. But I ...

I don't see how this is a poem, Zell.

No, I don't.