Chet adjusted his tie and sighed. “How long until we’re live?” he asked, looking around the crowded news room.
“Thirty seconds,” said a kid with a head set and a large collection of acne.
A few moments later, the count down began, and then they were live.
“Hi, I’m Chet Rockford, and today on KOMV news we have an astounding story,” Chet began, mustering up his best new voice. “The police have finally broken their way into the California base of the infamous cult known as the Young Writer’s Society. Janet Finch is there now and has been talking to the police so that we could be the first to bring you this shocking report. Janet.” The cameras switched to Janet Finch.
“Hi Chet, I’m outside of the California base now, where police have been carrying out suspects and taking other members to hospitals. It has been months now that this cult was under surveillance by the US government, and finally they broke ground on the case. It is believed that the head leader of the cult, Nathan Caldwell, has been plotting to take over the government, but for what reason, we aren’t sure yet.”
“Janet, could you tell us a little bit about this cult?”
“Well, Chet, it seems that all of the members have code names. None of them will release their true identities, which is making the investigation difficult at this time. The strangest thing about this cult is how wide spread and developed it is. It is known to have three bases, one here in California, another in the UK, and the main head quarters in Washington, DC. They are also suspected of having a base in Australia, but this is still to be confirmed. As for the development of the cult, it doesn’t act like most. The cult has thousands, if not millions of members, and among these members it seems there are separate groups. There are two very powerful groups, one under the code name SPEW and another called the CCF, though at this time we know little about either.”
“I’ve heard rumors about SPEW’s activity. Is it true that the member of this cult-within-a-cult eats animals?”
“No, not just animals, Chet, cats. More specifically, kittens. In fact, it is believed that SPEW’s base was located here, in California. When police entered underground tunnels connecting to the base, they were horrified to find dead kittens everywhere, perhaps kept around for when they have feasts, and worship their gods.”
“So this is a religious cult?”
“Perhaps, Chet, we are unsure as of now.”
“And what can you tell us about the various leaders?”
“For now, we know that the California base was run by a member named Meshugenah. We don’t know if she has been brought into custody yet, but if they’re going to find her, she’ll be here. Their main leader, Nathan Caldwell, resides in Washington, DC, supposedly so he can be closer to the government that he wishes to take over. The United Kingdom’s base is run by someone mysteriously named Firestarter. Many have wondered if he was the cause of arsons over the years in the UK. There is no evidence of this, but if it is true that each member’s code name corresponds to something about them, he will be investigated further.”
“And what exactly is this cult charged with?”
“As I mentioned, Chet, they have smaller groups within the cult, and the two largest ones have been thought to be in crime for years, even before this cult developed. Not only that, the cult as a whole has been threatening society for a while now. If you can remember back far enough, to the New York City black out, new evidence shows that this black out was caused by one of the members in an attempt to link everyone’s home computers to their main frame network. Obviously the attempt failed, but you can understand how shocked everyone is to learn of this.”
“So is this a terrorist group?”
“Excuse me, Chet, you’re breaking up…”
“Is this cult suspect to terrorism?”
“We’re not sure yet, but it is known that one of the higher up members of the California base, Crysi, had been taking flight lessons. They might have been planning an attack, but we aren’t sure how deep in this member was. Some members are just innocent high school students, but it seems that once you are in, you never get out.”
“Thank you, Janet. We’ll hear more from her later. And now, is there such a thing as too many pets? We’ll talk to one Missourian who owns four hundred dogs, and why she likes them so much.”
Finally, to commercial. Chet wiped his sweaty forehead with a rag. “You’re kidding me, right? They really do eat kittens?” He wasn’t asking anyone specifically, but he couldn’t believe the news. He’d heard so many shocking things, but this… this was unbelievable.
“Thank God we got to them in time.”
To be continued...
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140,573 Literary Works • 673,519 Reviews
... I thought that was Janet Fitch...
Ha - the Mesh strikeout addition is hilarious. (''...[s]transmission[/s] email...") ^_^
IMP
You have my fandom too! I think you and Grif should have some kind of badge or something, as the most famous of YWS fanfic writers.
I loved "I vote for Pat Buchanan" and inner grammar Nazi parts best, though. Teehee, good stuff here!
Claudette, you have my fandom.
*Fans Claudette*
Oh lord... see, I thought you would do something creative with the slashes, not leave them. Though I do talk like that at times.
But yes. That was all me.
Loved it, as always, 'Dettie.
"I vote for Pat Buchanan!"
Priceless, Clau, priceless.
This is really amazing, Clau! It certainly made my day. I found this section still very amusing. The Pat Buchanen comment was priceless. XD
That was very confusing the first couple times I read that line. How about something like: "Why--double-you--ess." Use two dashes instead of one and the one dash between "double" and "you." Or, you could just say, "Y...W...S...?" Just a suggestion!
Keep writing! Can't wait to see more!!
Jabber, the One and Only!
I definitely understood the strikethroughs/slashes bits.
Hilarious, and brilliant as always, Clau!
That was all Meshugenah =/
Thanks all!
'I vote for Pat Buchanan'
Priceless, Clau XD
You're right, not as good as the first but still very amusing and yes, now that I understand the pat Buchanan jokes, they're hilarious.Just a few specific points -
“Is it true that you are the California leader of The Young Writers Society?” [I think this should be 'the Californian leader...' and 'writers' should probably have an apostraphe.]
Garret was going to ask something, since he didn’t understand a lick of what she just said, but he decided again [Slight typo here. Should be 'against.'] it.
Crysi is a lose [Loose rather than lose.] cannon.
_______________________
In general though, I love the insight into the club and you have a very interesting writing style so keep up the good work.
The part about Pat Buchanan was the best.
MM
Fand> I've never read Whit Oleander. =[ I want to, though! so, no.
Part DEUX!
The investigator looked uncomfortable. Maybe his tie was too tight around his neck, or he had realized just a little too late that his pants didn’t fit him anymore and the waistband was digging into his gut. Either way, he was making odd faces. Meshugenah thought that he might be constipated.
Meshugenah sat in the chair playing with a pen and trying to ignore the investigator.
“Is it true that you are the California leader of The Young Writers Society?” he asked.
She giggled a little bit, “No. And even if I was, why would I tell you? Where's the sense in that?”
The investigator, who Meshugenah finally realized was named Garret, raised his eye brow.
Meshugenah sighed, “If I was the leader of a covert operation, why would I fess up to it?”
Garret nodded like he actually understood this. He ran his hand through his sticky looking hair – perhaps he had gel in it? Either way it looked really gross.
“Yes.” Meshugenah rolled her eyes. “It's a wonderful website for young writers.”
Garret coughed. He didn’t like her eye roll, or her lack of respect for the investigation. “And it isn’t involved in terrorism?”
“Terrorism?” She looked confused for a moment. “You mean the Cabassi, no?” She paused for a moment and stared at Garret. He was scribbling something down on a note bad. Suddenly, Meshugenah sat up straight and said, “They are a covert group within YWS. I have no control over their actions.”
Again his eyebrow raised, “Why-double you-ess?”
“It’s an acronym.” She was thinking duh.
Garret continued about the investigation, “What do you know about the CCF?”
“Only that they are now attempting to charge for crits—a free service of YWS.”
Garret was going to ask something, since he didn’t understand a lick of what she just said, but he decided again it. Dang cult members, craziest people ever. “And what about SPEW?”
“SPEW? I know nothing of such a group.” Her voice was flat, and her face tried to look innocent. “Only a few members claim to be part of it; though, I do not know their intended purpose.”
He scribbled again in his notebook. Meshugenah thought he wrote, “I want another Big Mac for lunch. Not just one, this time,” but she couldn’t be sure.
“And who do you know that we could contact about SPEW?”
“I've heard my head of operations claim to being a ‘high-up’ integral part of it. Contact the Pig Lord.”
“Will do. And can you tell us why everyone goes by codenames?”
“Why not? Plus, I assume they believe it will make them harder to track.”
He spent a few minutes writing in his note pad and finally asked, “Do you know the member called Crysi?”
“Crysi? Oh yes.” She laughed, even snorted a little, “All too well, in fact.”
“So then, you could tell us that it is true she is/was taking flight lessons?”
“She is, in fact. Quite frankly, though, I don't see the appeal. I mean, who would want to fly when [s]world domination is[/s] it’s so much easier to stay at home, and use Google Earth to [s]spy[/s] see the same view?”
“Do you have any knowledge of whether Crysi is planning to use her flight skills to be a terrorist?”
“Crysi is a lose cannon. She could do anything from rescue kittens to dropping said kittens for SPEW sacrifice.”
“So then it is true that SPEW kills kittens? I thought you weren't in it/didn't know much?” Meshugenah noticed he liked to use slashed while speaking. He even verbalized it by saying, “I thought you weren’t in it – slash – didn’t know much?” She felt her inner grammar Nazi dying.
She shook her head quickly, “No, you're right. I don't know anything about SPEW.”
Garret looked more confused than ever. “But you just said that.....We recorded what you just said.”
“No I didn’t.”
He pressed rewind on the tape recorder and played it back. When her answer should have been heard, all that could be heard was, “I vote for Pat Buchanan.”
Garret tried to pretend he didn’t feel slightly crazy. “Well…” He fumbled to bring the tape recorder back up to speed. “Do you know the whereabouts of the leader, Nate?”
“Nate? Haven't heard from him in about two months.”
Garret was careful to write, “Two Months,” on his note pad next to the message about the Big Mac.
Meshugenah continued. “Every now and then, I'll get a message from him, but those aside, no. Where he is? I think he said something about [s]recruiting[/s] being attacked by a bunch of ten year olds.” She paused for a moment and seemed to be staring out into space, at something that wasn’t really there. “But I couldn't be sure. The [s]transmission[/s] email was rather abrupt.”
Garret finished scribbling something on his note pad then stared at Meshugenah. “You’re free to go.”
To be continued...
---
Not as good as the last section, imo, but something to move the story forward. Many thanks to our dear 'Genah.
xD I can't wait for more.
Incidentally, did you purposely name the correspondent after the author of "White Oleander?"
I think there should be something more about CCF. After all, you mentioned it, yet did not expand on it at all. CCF must be mentioned.
Grif seems a little irritated he's not in a YWS fanfiction for once
Good job, Clau. Mucho amusement.
ROFL and LOL; and I mean the last one quite realistically.
We're a "cult"? *splutters, sniggers and bursts appendix laughing*
Oh my! Someone else on the YWS Fan fiction train! *Toots whistle.*
I was expecting some story on the CCF. Also, Snoink and I are from CA and Snoink is the illustrious leader of SPEW! Was she caught? Or did she make a clever getaway in a Yellow Submarine?
This is really nice. I've only been a member for maybe eight hours but I still think it's funny. Very clever.
An introduction to what I'm getting into, perhaps?
~Hair
HA! That is the best thing I have ever read. You made my day, Claudette.
XD
code names mean something, eh? *dies laughing* Oh lord, does it!
Love it, 'Dettie.
Haha, oh yes, I'm definitely a terrorist.
Very entertaining. I look forward to seeing more.
Haha! Ooo you jumped on the YWS Fanfiction train! Yippee!
I always knew YWS would stir up some international conflict. XD
Hilarious, as always, Claudette. I love reading your satires. I am wondering, what dastardly deeds the rest of the group is up to when they're not avoiding SPEW and CCF and taking over the government?
Lol, this is hilarious Claudette! I love that you incorporated the CCF and SPEW that I have been hearing so much about lately. A lovely insight into YWS
Just a few little suggestions -
A few moments later, the count down began, and they were live. [I'd re-write this as 'A few moments later, the count-down began, and then they were live.']
Janet Finch is there now and has been talking to the police so that we could be the first to bring you this shocking report.
None of them will release their true identities
they are also suspected of having a base in Australia, but this is still to be confirmed.
Obviously the attempt failed, but you can understand how shocked everyone is to learn of this.
_______________
Overall, a really enjoyable piece so keep up the good work!
Hi Claudette!
Great job on this piece of writing! Great description on everything! I didn't see any mistakes. I thought that you really told the story like it was happening, well done!
I look forward to hearing the rest!
Most interested,
oregongirl