Losing Love
Oh blue skies, once I would have exclaimed that in joy.
I would have stared deeply into that brilliant wide canvas
and felt, something else;
Something other than this deep longing, than this twinging sorrow in my chest.
I can feel my eyes prickling with tears that should be warm, but they are cold.
Cold from hurt, cold from regret, but most of all cold because love has left me dead.
(This is still quite short, theres a fews things I wasn't sure about, a few things I might change but here it is at the minute, what do you think?As usual title is not set in stone.)
I have also though about ending it with, "because you are dead"
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
The poem itself is very good, but the format is unaeppetizing, if you can think of a poem as being appetizing. I second the opinion about the adjectives. Happy editing!
I'm not even sure if I like this poem lol. It feels lazy:(.
Its too bland. Use more adjectives. I am very tired and its late and I have a very busy day tomorrow, so thats all I'll say for now. But I will have a full critique sometime in the future.
yes, your ending is better.
i didn't find this very interesting. maybe give it more of a story?
i think your ending sounds better