rissymay

hello, rissymay here for a review... first prologue: I don't really like the style... it seems too dramatic and almost pompous. I don't think it matches the story. Good job ...

hello, it's rissymay... good story, and I have a few things to share... Ok, so as I'm reading on I'm noticing that you're focusing a lot on the setting, which ...

Rissymay here... :P Haha I really like this. Cute. The only thing I really had a problem with is there was a spot you had dialogue for a long time- ...

hello, rissymay here. Good story! here's what I thought: I know the very first paragraph is supposed to be exciting, but it didn't really excite me... I'd say add a ...

hello, rissymay here... I like the idea about writing about a hoarder. Interesting, different from anything I've read before. The paragraph sizes are daunting... I suggest cutting them up a ...

UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH NOW I WANT TO KNOW WHY SHE'S HER FATHER AND WHY HE'S BEEN KEEPING IT A SECRET ME NO ENTIENDE You need a follow-up three part sequel to this. ...

This all reminds me of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe... The fact that you used roman numerals in the title makes it so fancy... I am still wondering ...

ooh. cool. I'm hoping those wilted flowers are symbolism or foreshadowing for something later in the story... A few clues to the girl's age could be used, but also, not ...

Hi, rissymay again. I'm really getting a sense of who Billie's mother is- you did a good job of defining her more in this chapter. I feel like Billie's being ...

Hello... I really like what you have going on here, and I'm interested in the next chapters... you have definitely pulled me into the world of this story... About the ...

I LOVE MARCHING BAND. SO MUCH. OH MY WORD. Sorry... band geek here... I play clarinet, too :D First of all, the reason for giving the football field to middle ...

woah... amazing description... the style gave a very specific emotion I can't even describe, and it accents what you are trying to say in an awesome way. outstanding job on ...

hello! rissymay here, with a few things to share about your story: The description of the house when Enzo arrived didn't impress me... you seemed to use the word "vast/vastly" ...

hey there! rissymay here, with a few things of what i thought about your story: In the first paragraph, you say "wolf" or "wolves" a lot- it's kinda hard not ...

heyyy there... rissymay here, with a few comments... Well, well. This is quite an interesting thing you have here... it's interesting how your MC goes from sobbing to making the ...