perdido

uni, as in university of northern iowa? Um, anyway, my only words of advice involve... varied sentence structure would be good. Not a fan of the repetition. Other then that, ...

my impression: Long and rambly. Cliche and over sentimental. It's almost completely devoid of sensory detail, this poem is emotion in a vacuum. Here's the thing. Emotion cannot exist in ...

Twinkling stars dive in the sky, The moon shines elegantly above his subjects. twinkling stars. that's the best description of stars you can muster? Unlikely. Try a different adjective. Or ...

Oh love I think I may have lost my mind. Lying here asleep in the wake of my carnage, You should not have been so unkind. Is this poem addressed ...

agree with the above. Haikus are generally considered to be an 'easy' form but actually they are tricky simply because they are short. In a short poem like a haiku, ...

sestinas are desperately tricky to pull off and it seems like you've got the basics down. This sestina seems a bit different from the form I learned, but that's okay, ...

I. Soft instants of color stoke the lady while my eyes meander. I don't know if I'm exactly buying this. The imagery is a little vague, "soft instants of color ...

I agree with Kit, you've got to be consistent with rhyme scheme but the meter is so broken that it doesn't really matter. I'd take out the rhyme altogether, and ...

My shoes are stuck in the mud and I'm just sitting here, waiting for something extraordinary. But there's nothing at all - nothing but the spring sun poking through the ...

If I were to love, I’d like to love like the Sun, Glowing, enlightening, and omnipresent. If I were to love, I’d like to love like the Moon, Cold, veiled, ...

I knew this good weather wouldn’t last forever. How can something that felt so right end up so wrong? Now there’s nothing left for us to do but to pick ...

I take a sip - icy, sweet - on my porch, protected from the mid-day summer sun. I eye the land around me, that which is my home. Underneath blue ...

In the crossed-line of melancholy, One sits and waits patiently, Smiling at chaos Praying to loss. i don't think you need those commas, any of them. also, you don't have ...

Why should I carry the burden of this pain anymore? Why should I burn my heart in her thoughts anymore? Why should I waste my tears all night anymore? Why ...

Love the title, just sayin. … Imprisoned in a room filled with monsters, Teddy Bear stares at the white-washed walls. They hold the answer to a question- Ever since he ...