Published April 16, 2011
My shoes are stuck in the mud
and I'm just sitting here,
waiting
for something extraordinary.
But there's nothing at all -
nothing but the spring sun
poking through the leaves,
and the wind blowing the pages
of the notebook I cling,
and the birds
digging for their dinner.
The world is quiet here.
But still I wipe my feet,
and return to reality.
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139,444 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Hello there. I'm Ehte and I shall be your reviewer for now. (:
You have a good poem here. Great imagery. Simple yet powerful. Totally builds up the environment of a post storm. But there a few things that bug me about this. You should avoid using ellipsis; it tends to break the flow of a poem. I have a few nitpicks too.
You started off the poem very well. But this extraordinary thing which you waiting for is a confusing thing to understand. What is the extraordinary thing? After a storm everyone wants everything to return back to normal but; extraordinary? I don't think so.
Good imagery as I already mentioned. But I think that the word 'poking' is not a suitable word to use here. It's like kinda harsh. I don't know why, but it sounds kinda harsh. You could replace it with some other words, like, peeking, peeping, glistening.
You bring out the total scene here. It completely describes the view of the place. But, birds digging for their dinner? Try rewording this. Think of something better.
This totally confused me. Return to reality? Something felt like it is incomplete. You should work on the ending of it. It can be way better than this. And please try omitting the ellipsis.
Overall. It was a very good read. I really liked the way you described the post storm scene.
Great job.
Keep writing.
*92*
] good poem you have here!
] you clearly described what happens after a typhoon/storm
] have nothing else to say, sorry
My shoes are stuck in the mud
and I'm just sitting here,
waiting
for something extraordinary.
But there's nothing at all -
nothing but the spring sun
poking through the leaves,
and the wind blowing the pages
of the notebook I cling,
and the birds
digging for their dinner.
the line breaks are awkward. I'd switch them up a little bit to maybe get it to flow a little better maybe. I don't think you need any of those commas in the first stanza. The line breaks punctuate it enough.
The world is quiet here..
but I wipe my feet
and return to reality.
No ellipsis in the first line, plz.
keep readin'
best,
Very good poem. You painted a very nice picture in my head! Hope to see more from you and I could not see any grammar or spelling mistakes in this at a thorough glance, but I could have still missed something. Anyways you did good and keep up the good work!!! Happy Writing and Good luck!! May you get many reviews!!!
Soulkana<3
I really liked this. At first I thought you should expand upon it, but now I think it stands alone quite well. Just one nit-pick.
Overall, great job and keep writing!