Hello there. I'm Ehte and I shall be your reviewer for now. (:
You have a good poem here. Great imagery. Simple yet powerful. Totally builds up the environment of a post storm. But there a few things that bug me about this. You should avoid using ellipsis; it tends to break the flow of a poem. I have a few nitpicks too.
My shoes are stuck in the mud
and I'm just sitting here,
waiting
for something extraordinary.
You started off the poem very well. But this extraordinary thing which you waiting for is a confusing thing to understand. What is the extraordinary thing? After a storm everyone wants everything to return back to normal but; extraordinary? I don't think so.
But there's nothing at all -
nothing but the spring sun
poking through the leaves,
Good imagery as I already mentioned. But I think that the word 'poking' is not a suitable word to use here. It's like kinda harsh. I don't know why, but it sounds kinda harsh. You could replace it with some other words, like, peeking, peeping, glistening.
and the wind blowing the pages
of the notebook I cling,
and the birds
digging for their dinner.
You bring out the total scene here. It completely describes the view of the place. But, birds digging for their dinner? Try rewording this. Think of something better.
The world is quiet here..
but I wipe my feet
and return to reality.
This totally confused me. Return to reality? Something felt like it is incomplete. You should work on the ending of it. It can be way better than this. And please try omitting the ellipsis.
Overall. It was a very good read. I really liked the way you described the post storm scene.
Great job.
Keep writing.
*92*
Points: 67823
Reviews: 254
Donate