Twinkling stars dive in the sky,
The moon shines elegantly above his subjects.
#0040BF ">twinkling stars. that's the best description of stars you can muster? Unlikely. Try a different adjective. Or don't use one. "stars dive in the sky." simple. Also I don't think you got away with 'elegantly.' It's an awkward word to say. Maybe 'elegant moon.' Also I doubt the moon is a he. Probably a she 
Also I wanted the moon to come back. "The moon is king." Maybe queen.
The grass whispers, a ballet played among its roots.
Trees sigh, Oh, if I could only be as lithe and graceful as the grass.
#004080 ">how about this?
The grass whispers a ballet among its roots.
more concise, I think, but you're the poet. Love the word 'lithe,' but to describe the grass as 'lithe and graceful' seems a little redundant.
Animals rest in their various havens, safe,
Cloaked in the velvety darkness.
#404080 ">think it should be, "animals rest in various havens" Like that. Also you don't need the 'the' in the second line. That's how you condense.
A mere shimmer of light flickers gently,
Sent by the king of the sky.
#8000BF ">the king of the sky? The moon? Yay. Don't like the first line. It didn't make sense. Shimmer of light flickering gently. As a reader I'm like... what is that? I have no idea.
Nocturnes go about cheerfully,
For it is their day, is it not?
#4000BF ">i guess. I don't like the question you pose. It's you're poem. The reader knows you know. So don't waste your breath asking the reader, is it not?
Gentle breezes play, teasing objects about them.
A lonely wail echoes, those gentle breezes depressed.
#8000BF ">this didn't really make sense either. I liked 'teasing' but i didn't like 'objects.' Teases what? I want something specific.
It is a lonely job, living the life of the night.
#400080 ">well done but I think you could have a stronger ending.
best,
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