Whats next?

by deo

Published April 18, 2011

What’s next?

A new thought process
‘click’. A new window appears
Thought visualised

Comments & reviews · 3
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perdido
Review
perdido wrote a review Review · Apr 18, 2011

agree with the above. Haikus are generally considered to be an 'easy' form but actually they are tricky simply because they are short. In a short poem like a haiku, you have to make sure that every word, every syllable is absolutely essential. If they aren't, then you're in trouble. As far as haikus go, this isn't particularly strong but it's not bad.

Also, the repetition of the word thought is not good. But that's already been mentioned.

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inkwell
Review
inkwell wrote a review Review · Apr 18, 2011

"A new thought process
‘click’. A new window appears
Thought visualised"

I love this line. This poem, however, suffers from a lack of punctuation. Corrections/suggestions in red.

What’s Next?

A new thought process -
click. A new window appears.
Thought visualized.


The repetition of the word "thought" comes off as robotic, and I would recommend using a different word.



Make sure you marry someone who laughs at the same things you do.
— Holden Caulfield