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Re: I want you to notice
Hmm, I was expecting this to be about love and I was right. Nothing is wrong with love songs or love poetry or love itself. But you don't want it ...
Aug 10, 2010 -
Re: The moment I became
This was interesting but I felt it was lacking something. What are you truly speaking of ? Do you want it to be a mystery to the reader? Give it ...
Aug 10, 2010 -
Re: Identity
Good idea but bad use of punctuation, I'll try my best to do what I can to spruce this up a bit. I am lost within a dream, my hands ...
Aug 10, 2010 -
Re: Pain
Short, to the point, and brilliant. Though maybe a comma or a period can be used in this ? In life pain is the promise of tomorrow, But it is ...
Aug 10, 2010 -
Re: Moonlight
Well it seems like everyone above me got to all the corrections. But there is a few more. Punctuation is a key ingredient next to imagery. Both are important to ...
Aug 10, 2010 -
Re: Parasite
This was amazing, not much wrong with this at all. A few periods maybe or a comma here and there but other than that this was beautiful in a sick ...
Aug 10, 2010 -
Re: Fear Holds Us Back
Not much was wrong with this poem but the lack of punctuation. This can be fixed with ease. I wish I knew what you think when you look at me. ...
Aug 10, 2010 -
Re: My dear temptation
This is very good, I like the imagery here. You painted a picture of despair that I can relate to with temptation. But there were a few minor set backs. ...
Aug 10, 2010 -
Re: Why?
Just gonna get to the point here, rhyming was good but this confused me a bit. Shouldn't you have put that someone died in the beginning ? Or give some ...
Aug 9, 2010 -
Re: I'm taking the risk
This was really short but you got to the point, If there's a pencil, It's in my hand. If there's a notebook, It's in my lap. If there's an idea, ...
Aug 9, 2010 -
Re: mirrors reflecting mirrors (edited)
I liked the feeling of the poem but I feel at some parts you were trying the add rhyme but it just fell apart. I see the world through a ...
Aug 2, 2010 -
Re: A golden knife
This is poetry! Just put it like this maybe: I'm not really sure if this is poetry or not, but someone told me to write about a golden knife. So, ...
Aug 2, 2010 -
Re: I Am Gone.
This was interesting, only a few little nit picks: A rope, A gun, poison or knife. (Lower case the A on A gun.) Whatever was needed to take my life. ...
Aug 2, 2010 -
Re: removed
I did not connect with this poem, but it is not bad. A few changes need to be made though: Love is hard, Hard like a stone, A stone easy ...
Jul 30, 2010 -
Re: Yearning
Well you didn't give me much to work with here but I'll try at the simple basics. Try for a few commas and periods. Try not to make it choppy. ...
Jul 29, 2010
