Published August 9, 2010
Before I begin, this is an excerpt from a poem that appears in my novel, and I would like to know how good/bad it actually is so that my characters can say so in the story.
In life pain is the promise of tomorrow
But it is today that oneself can prepare
One will suffer the lesser of the sorrow
It shall be the one that does not give dispair
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Pain is short but very good. I loved the first line " Pain is the promise of tomorrow" because it is so true. But the last two lines sound a little forced. Work on them a little.
Short, to the point, and brilliant. Though maybe a comma or a period can be used in this ?
Always look for misspelled words. It's okay to make mistakes, writers do it all the time. Even older writers, you can check for them when you write. To the upper right hand under 'spoiler and user' there is a something you can click on to give you the correct word. Keep writing !
I see where you're going with the rhyming scheme, and I kind of like it, although I think it might have slightly killed the poem-But that's just my opinion. Since this poem or excerpt of a poem is meant to be about pain, I was expecting for there to be some kind of description but I couldn't find any. There is no pain in this poem, just an explanation of it, I think. Normally, I go through poems searching for the punctuation but I think this one was good without the punctuation.
Anger
In short this poem was not horrible, but it could use some work.
Still it is good for a book character to say. You may want to use a metaphor to make the poem more interesting.
Better than just saying the theme of the poem. Along with that the last sentence could use work.