Moonlight

hi there, i loved your poem. its very imaginative and anyone who loves nature and fantasy would appreciate your work.

Hey there ScarlettFire
TS here reviewing,

I enjoyed this piece - its nice when you come across a more experienced poem; you don't have to spend time explaining what the flow is or talk about rhyming schemes, etc. But also, you end up having to look deep for problems that aren't glaringly obvious I did not know when I promised you a review that you would be a good poet, but yay!

I liked your poem, but I know it could be better, and I clearly did not go for your best work. I say this because looking at your related items, I know there were things here that you should easily have remedied yourself, unless it is just your style of course. For example, when you say:

with leaves and twigs, and flowers
and all sorts of things
threaded through their hair

I just thought this ran on a little bit, the first line here should probably have been cut off at the comma. Either way it sounds okay but I think the way you have it it's starting to veer more towards paragraph writing than poetry. I think you could make better use of commas in this poem, at the end of some lines. For example, in between the second and third line of the third stanza. It just reads better.

To be honest there was not much that bugged me; I like the connection you made with nature here (faerie ring, forest, trees, moonlight), it's all very down to earth. But you could have expanded the vocabulary a lot more, not exactly using a thesaurus on every second word but don't fear eccentricity. Decorate your piece somewhat! Enrich it; it has the bones now add some flesh! Also, be sure to keep some rhythm. Your poem doesn't have to rhyme, obviously, but given it a flow. Make it more.... comfortable.

Still a nice poem, I just felt a bit... bored? A more varied vocab and maybe some more rhythm would have made it very good I think. That would be all. Well done! I'll look for one of your better pieces later on, I hope.

Yours in ink,
The Shauzer.

I love that you didn't rely on sadness to create a beautiful piece. The imagery wasn't too wordy, but it was good. I could see it in my mind, more and more with each word. I could feel the breeze, hear the laughter, see the moon. You did this very well, in a way that made me warm inside. The only corrections I would have are that you should try to use more punctuation in your next pieces. Punctuation can make a reader literally shiver; it seems to make the words hit harder. Also, repetition can sometimes be a beautiful thing. Try to work it to your advantage instead of letting it get in the way, and if you absolutely cannot make it seem beautiful or intelligent, don't include it. When it's used carefully, it can be the highlight of the poem, and when used incorrectly, it can make the whole piece seem to come down a level in academic prose. Good job overall!

Hello, here to review.

This was a very nice poem, and I like how you connect moonlight with faeries and mystical creatures. I also liked how you set a fantastic mood to the story, right from the first verse.

I also how you described the scenery, and I can imagine a gathering of creatures dancing around the moonlit forest.

However, I didn't feel much emotion from this poem, and even though I did get the mood and the happiness that comes from it, I didn't feel your expressed much of the emotions there. You told us they were dancing and laughing, but were they happy? Was this a special thing that they do once a year or is this something that happens every day in the forest? However, this is not necessary, and the poem is still really good.

Also, there is one thing about the poem that is not wrong but if you changed it I think the poem could be better.

with leaves and twigs, and flowers
and all sorts of things

with leaves and twigs, and flowers
and jewelry of infinite beauty

For this piece Scar I'm apprehensive it's a good idea don't get me wrong but some of the stuff in it reads rather awkwardly, but perhaps I should explain this better, so on with the review.

Some of the wording in this is shall we say stunted it seems a little shall we say forced. And many of it seems to say same as before, like there was one line that stood out to me and felt forced:

and all sorts of things

Alright, so, this made me shiver. The imagery is nice, and I could really feel it, and whats going on.

Dancing round a faerie ring
were many strange and beautiful folk
with leaves and twigs, and flowers
and all sorts of things
threaded through their hair

Well it seems like everyone above me got to all the corrections. But there is a few more. Punctuation is a key ingredient next to imagery. Both are important to the flow and the readers sight and view of the picture you're trying to paint in our heads.


No need to worry about imagery though, you had enough and I enjoyed reading this poem. 10/10 for you (: Keep writing!

Hi, Scarlett! Overall this poem is not bad, you use some interesting words. I think there needs to be some more punctuation in here but it's not a gigantic problem like I often notice with pieces that lack punctuation on this site. But here's the main problem that destroys it: underlying message. Frankly, there isn't one. You've painted a very calm, ethereal image here, but there's no meaning in it, no overall theme. Timeless literature and poetry makes a statement about something--life, love, society, etc. It's incredibly broad and the commentary is up to you. But there's no message to this piece at all, it's just a fleeting image of an enchanted night. Try to incorporate some more depth in your poetry and you'll go farther.

Also:

ligthing up the trees

threaded throug their hair

Hi ScarlettFire! I love this poem!

ScarlettFire wrote:Moonlight flittered down

Lewis Carrol's Jabberwocky wrote:'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogroves,
And the mome raths outgrabe

ScarlettFire wrote:with leaves and twigs, and flowers
and all sorts of thing
threaded throug their hair

Hey Scar *waves*

Moonlight flittered down
through the leaves
and onto the forest floor
ligthing Lighting up the trees
with its soft and silver glow

Dancing round a faerie ring
were many strange and beautiful folk
with leaves and twigs, and flowers
and all sorts of thing
threaded throug through their hair