jujubean05

Pieces of my soul, scatterd to point the way. *scattered* Parts of me, my life, freshly hung each day. Myself, bared to the world, with everything to show and nothing ...

The leaves roll in by a spot by the lake, over silver waters they sail to our feet, under a white-hot sun where jet hair flows through my hands; crushed ...

Yesterday I was a sprout, Youthful, young, taintless and unblemished. Try just unblemished. I had nothing to worry about. Today I'm a fresh flower, Bright coloured, vivid, loved and cherished. ...

I’m sorry I gave you this rose, And I’m sorry I turned it black. Sorry for every lie I said; Wishing now I can take it back. I’m sorry that ...

with a million things to say, Use capital letters if your going to use punctuations my mind growing weak i think about you all the time, all these words to ...

Eyes watching, it’s in the fireplace, An evil, burning face Whispering, I know what you desire. Before bursting in to fire. (I like te rhyme scheme) Mouth laughing, it’s in ...

Lovedrunk I really can't describe it without a blushing face I hope everyone has felt it had their heart beat at this pace I really can't describe it Its really ...

You gave me hope You gave me faith You took me home You gave me strength (Very very good) Like a bird in the sky You raised me high You ...

With a gray hood over my I couldn't see anything, but that was the least of my problems. (Add eyes in there) My hands were feeling soft and wet, almost ...

Okay, capitalization is key! There is no capitalization at all! Then you need commas. After long openers to a sentence -long prepotional phrases- put commas. Also when you don't absolutely ...

Every so often, she gave me a smile and her blue-green eyes would come alive and make me forget about everything else ( Try making me forget instead of and ...

I really liked it. My favorite part was: And now the bones come, fallingfrom our endless dreamscape,where the onyx bowl at the rainbow’s end spews wraiths,and screams; forever lost,in the ...

Some parts were confusing to me. For example He paused his walking at the doorway maybe change it to He paused as he almost fell. He caught himself on the ...

I just got done reading The Dark Divine it was really good. I couldn't put it down. Also, Shiver and Linger . Hush, Hush was very good as well. Need ...