ink_on_fire

:) Beautiful. Inside the toilets a group of year ten and eleven girls [s]were[/s] sat by the sinks smoking. I dont think you need this were . That's all I ...

Love it :) Mum poked her head round the door and her eyes widened in shock when she saw me sat at the dressing table. Sitting maybe? Tom took my ...

Really nice work :) I agree with cat4prowl about the commas. :) And with Vernon about the originality side of things... But otherwise, this is beautiful work :) I love ...

Endless, it pierces through walls like soldiers of war—flame, flesh and glass, it never loved anyone but itself. Wonderful poem. It's definitely dramatic. I love the very last part, about ...

...I wouldn't call this poetry. But I can see the idea your trying to bring across. Why are high school students [s]are [/s]crazy? Are they picking on a nerd or ...

This was good. :) He wiped the sweat from his brow, and walked over to the police tape. He flashed his badge, and the officer at the tape let him ...

Hey Vernon :) Ok, I'll do my best. Firstly, at a glance, there is too much punctuation. Reading this, it feels choppy. Uneven. Forced even... This may sound weird, but ...

:) Hey... Ok, first thing's first. Did you mean to spell everything incorrectly? Also the punctuation is non-existant in some areas, :). It's short...and I really have no feelings for ...

Nice :) Just one thing... The first stanza is saying Take my words... but the second is saying the opposite... Ignore me . Was this intentional? Otherwise it's a beautiful ...

Hey :) Just a few things... YES! Caps is really not necessary. That's what an exclamation mark is for. :) I rolled my eyes Hmm...I think you have used this ...

Very nice :) Anyone in the same situation can immediately relate. It's so simple and child-like but so full of emotion... I'm surprised how well this last bit flows. It ...

Beautiful...:) I agree with JC...This is perfect length. I've never really been into romance but I thought this was wonderful. The only thing I can see a slight problem with ...

Wow... Honestly, I'm confused. The fears of every sweater vest wearing, popular instrumental listening, and curfew at 10:00 sharp conservative home owning association parent, showed its fun hungry hea

Hey :) Ok, firstly, long...... Maybe breaking it into 2 parts? Just a few things ;) We float, my dear, we float. And the sleeping caddisfly ventures Ever nearer to ...

Hi Adna :) Beautiful work... A few things :) I don't quite understand what the bell has to do with the voice being beautiful. After the toll of the bell, ...