Young Writers Society

It was really cute, but a bit short :]
You should try to fill it all out, if you know what i mean ^^ Try to explain more of his feelings, her feelings and so on. Then the reader will feel like a part of the story.
But I like your idea

That was a really great story I really believe that you will have many stories published in your lifetime it's a great goal one I would also love to achive. I try so hard to think of a good story line and when I do I just get so discouraged that nothing will come of it. But still good luck to you and all your hard work!

I liked the overall message of it, but think you could have built the tensiona bit more. Also, instead of writng out the setting, you should insert it into the story. Other than that, It was awsome!! Pm me if you write anything else.

I liked it's length. While yes it was short, making it much longer could have detracted from the true essence of the story.

I spotted a few typos, but those have already been mentioned by others. Run it through a spell check and all will be fixed no problem.

I read that some people thought that some of the lines were a little cliche, but in today's society many thoughts and memories often are stored as cliches come to life. Such as the ending, while it was a bit cliche, it might just be something realistic for a person to say.

Overall it is a cute little story and a fun little read. Keep up the good work!

Beautiful...

I agree with JC...This is perfect length.

I've never really been into romance but I thought this was wonderful.

The only thing I can see a slight problem with is this bit.

Matt asked softly, afraid of the answer he knew was coming

Very nice short story. Well done!

I agree with the others, luv...a sweet story, but could use some extension, etc.

A nice sentiment, though...I've never been in love, and it lets me know what I'm missing to read stories like this.

Although, knowing the agony a lot of lovers go through, I'm probably glad I'm not in love.

Cheerio! ~The Blot

The last line was cute. I'd expand a bit on the first part so that the second part and especially the ending is more meaningful.

“I can’t take this anymore; I’m leaving,” Ariel said, pulling on her coat.

“What?” Matt asked softly, afraid of the answer he knew was coming. They had been fighting a lot lately, and had discussed seeing other people on several occasions. Of course, Matt had figured that it was just another stage in their relationship, one that would bring them even closer together.

good stuff! theres probly more to this story then whut ive read. but i like it. the little bit of dramma and whut not. the whole "you had me at "wait"" was a little cliche for me though.

I love this! It is very sweet. I agree. I could be longer. But...that's just me. I like it. XD Keep up the good work. 007

Awww...that was cute.

I disagree with sokool, though, I think the lengh was perfect. Having a scene of Matt's depression would have been overkill in my eyes.

Kool caught all the mistakes though, =D. All it takes is reading over something once to catch all they keyboard typos =D

Good job!!!!!!

Keep up the good work!
-JC

Awwwwww That was sweet. A little too short, I think, though...there's not a lot of time for tension to build. I think you should add a scene where Matt is all depressed, show us his depression instead of just having him talk about it to Ariel.

Maybe you could also add a scene that shows us what Ariel is thinking, that she loves him and maybe shouldn't leave him, maybe thinks about changing her mind, wavering...show us that she still loves him. This would paint a clearer picture in our minds of the character's emotions, build the tension more and make for a better, story, I think.

“Yes, my parents sent me a one way ticket back home; I’m going to go visit them for while, so I can get back on my feet.” Matt was in awe. He watched in silence, his mouth agape, as she closed the door behind her.

"Wait!" Matt exclaimed. She turned and looked straight in his tear-filled eyes. "Ariel, I am begging you now, please don't leave. I haven't been able to sleep, eat, or so much as speak sine you left. I miss you horribly, and I fewar for my life if you do go. I realized for the first tiem this morning that...I...uh...I..." she walked over and placed a finger on his lips.