High School Students

by harrypotterbooklover101

Published April 16, 2008

In my stories

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Why are high school students are crazy?
Are they picking on a nerd or are they caught up in being popular?
Do they what to fail or accomplish something in their life?
Are they jocks or geeks?No matter what they are they are still crazy.

Comments & reviews · 19
User avatar
Galerius
Comment
Galerius commented Comment · May 27, 2009

Rodhead wrote:Try harder


The same could be said of your efforts to find relevant reviewing material.

Seriously, people, check the date of the original post before you respond.

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Rodhead
Review
Rodhead wrote a review Review · May 27, 2009

Is this supposed to be a poem?:smt101

Why are high school students are crazy?
Are they picking on a nerd or are they caught up in being popular?
Do they what want to fail or accomplish something in their life?
Are they jocks or geeks? No matter what they are - they are still crazy.




Why are high school students crazy?
Are they picking on a nerd or are they caught up in being popular?
Do they want to fail or accomplish something in their life?
Are they jocks or geeks? No matter what they are, they are still crazy.

ta- daaa


Try harder :lol:

User avatar
vet4life13
Review
vet4life13 wrote a review Review · May 13, 2008

First off, it's an awesome thing that you are trying to write. You've got some real talent here. This is a good idea for a poem, though I think it could be be lengthened and detail could be added. Why don't you try adding detail and, like some of the others said, answer the questions you ask. But don't stop writing! Take the critism given to you and use it to improve your writing. Don't completely conform to it, though. Let your personality into it. Remember, Albert Einstien's teacher thought he was a bad student. All genius's fail at one time or the other.

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thewritingdoc
Comment
thewritingdoc commented Comment · Apr 23, 2008

I understand your point of view.
Hey, youre a young writer?
I was one once too.
WHat you need to understand is tht this is very short and undetailed, I need more info!

Add some description by adjectives, adverbs.. etc


This has potential
More just needs to be added,,,
Good luck!

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thewritingdoc
Review
thewritingdoc wrote a review Review · Apr 23, 2008

I understand your point of view.
Hey, youre a young writer?
I was one once too.
WHat you need to understand is tht this is very short and undetailed, I need more info!

Add some description by adjectives, adverbs.. etc


This has potential
More just needs to be added,,,
Good luck!

harrypotterbooklover101 commented Comment · Apr 23, 2008

Thanks guys for the tips and coments.

User avatar
Cade
Review
Cade wrote a review Review · Apr 19, 2008

harrypotterbooklover101: There's nothing wrong with posting this in the poetry forums; it's not exactly a story either. I think the main point people were making is that it seems to be more of miniature rant/babble than what most consider "poetry"--it lacks any sophistication whatsoever. It's the classic Disney Channel caricature of a large group of people...with questions? This should not have been taken out of the middle-schooler's diary in which I imagine poems such as this are written. Go out to your local library and read some poetry. Love it, learn from it, and read it over again.

-Colleen

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aestar101
Comment
aestar101 commented Comment · Apr 19, 2008

I agree with the others. This is not poerty its just random specutlions. I actually hate it it was bland, it had no depth it was just there.

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mizz-iceberg
Review
mizz-iceberg wrote a review Review · Apr 19, 2008

I agree, this poem has potential. If you want to call it a poem. I mean I like the idea behind it but you badly need to get more in depth with the words and the meaning and maybe add some imagery and sprinkle a generous amount of emotions in to this. Keep trying.

Random avatar
deleted6
Review
deleted6 wrote a review Review · Apr 19, 2008

Ailam Remard wrote:dude no one can tell anyone that something is not a poem. u guys are crazy. if it was written to be a poem, it's a poem, no matter what.


Ahem, she posted this we gave opinion.

Now on to the poem. Which it isn't you never, answer these questions... Making this is all rhetoric.. If you tried to concentrate on each question in the stanza with langauge and imagery techniques, this could well be a poem. Overall: My advice is draw on each question and make a stanza from each question. But right now, I don't like this. Hope this helps.

Good luck
VSN

----------------
Listening to: No Use For A Name - Under The Garden
via FoxyTunes

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Ailam Remard
Comment
Ailam Remard commented Comment · Apr 19, 2008

dude no one can tell anyone that something is not a poem. u guys are crazy. if it was written to be a poem, it's a poem, no matter what.

harrypotterbooklover101 commented Comment · Apr 19, 2008

Sorry if its not a pome I will swich it to a story.

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.katsuro.
Comment
.katsuro. commented Comment · Apr 17, 2008

Hmm. As everyone else said, this piece isn't quite poetic. I can see the point you are trying to get across. Perhaps if you add in a bit of imagery, and make the poem flow more together, you may have more luck.

Keep trying!
-Kat =]

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CK Lynn
Review
CK Lynn wrote a review Review · Apr 16, 2008

Yeah, I'd have to agree with the others. I can't really see what point you're trying to get across, and your subject is a little hazy. High school students? Got that part. Cliques? Popularity? Is this what you're trying to say? Iwouldn't even call this a poem. It's just a jumble of questions, with no poetic element what so ever. How did you come across high school students being crazy? Explain, please. No one gets it. Seriously, either really, really (really) work on this or move it to the Other forum. This doesn't belong in Poetry.

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blacktiger3915
Comment
blacktiger3915 commented Comment · Apr 16, 2008

This is certainly not poetry. It kinda refers to a debate maybe, but not a poem. This was, I'm sorry, but an eye sore to read. Try again.

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ink_on_fire
Review
ink_on_fire wrote a review Review · Apr 16, 2008

...I wouldn't call this poetry.

But I can see the idea your trying to bring across.

Why are high school students [s]are [/s]crazy?
Are they picking on a nerd or are they caught up in being popular?
Do they [s]what[/s] want to fail or accomplish something in their life?
Are they jocks or geeks? No matter what they are - they are still crazy.


I've fixed the spelling errors and punctuation just so you can get familiar with how you (try to) punctuate. With poems, punctuation seems to break them up alot and make them uncomfortable for the reader.

Don't re-edit this. Throw it away and try harder. Like OverEasy said, go and read some poetry - you'll learn heaps.

All the best luck and keep trying,

Peace V :P
Inky

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OverEasy
Review
OverEasy wrote a review Review · Apr 16, 2008

Hmm, I am very sorry to say that I am really not fond of this. There is very little that is actually poetic about it, I pretty much just see a bunch of questions thrown together. There is no flow, no concrete visuals, no interesting use of language. There really isn't a lot to say about this poem, except that it is lacking in anything that would spark my interest as a reader.

The most important thing about improving your writing skills is actually reading the genre you are interested in. Read a bunch of poems, as many as you can by as many different authors as you can find! It will really improve your writing skills believe it or not.

Good Luck

OverEasy



That comma is load bearing.
— Omni