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Re: The Moon's Halo
I love your piece of writing. Your descriptions and attention to detail are awesome. I have one little nitpick All around him are tiny mirrors in the black blanket, each ...
Jun 27, 2010 -
Re: Meeting Elena Newbury
I liked this story and I have a few nitpicks... She wasn’t a rather handsome woman though. Handsome woman, really? I think handsome is usually used to describe a man ...
Jun 27, 2010 -
Re: The bear boy
I liked this story. I think you could make to time period of the of the story clear because I cant tell if this is in the past or the ...
Jun 27, 2010 -
Re: Don't Call Me James
This story reminds me of the murdering cult started by Charles Manson. I wish you would have provided some background of how James went crazy and got the idea to ...
Jun 26, 2010 -
Re: Grilled Confetti Tube Socks And Parachutes
That was interesting. This story left me feeling confused. Is the girl hallucinating and acting delusional because she is not breathing or is it because she is dreaming. The biggest ...
Jun 25, 2010 -
Re: Scream?*Cry?*Die?
I am so sorry that you feel so depressed. I think one thing that you have to realize that you have no control over what your parents do. You may ...
Jun 24, 2010 -
Re: Imminence
I enjoyed this experimental piece of writing. I think that it is interesting to imagine who the main character, the voice of the writing is talking to.Maybe it is someones ...
Jun 24, 2010 -
Re: Torn
This is great for your first poem. Your rhythm is really good and I like your use of couplets I do have a couple of suggestions... They will not exist ...
Jun 24, 2010 -
Re: Romance scene.
This scene seems a little bit like rape because she is so young and he is so old and he is also forcing her to kiss him. So I might ...
Jun 23, 2010 -
Re: the friendless punishment
I liked your short story and I loved you descriptive word choice. I do have a couple of suggestions for you.. Simon stood stagnantly I don't like that you used ...
Jun 23, 2010 -
Re: Tootie Fruity (Contest)
I think that you have a great descriptive poem. I have to say that I like the second part over the first. This is my favorite part... Circus freaks with ...
Jun 22, 2010 -
Re: desire?
I have read some of the short stories today and I am starting to notice a disturbing trend. People think they don't need to add background information just because it ...
Jun 22, 2010 -
Re: Love
I have it admit that I do not review lyrics too much so I decided to try it . I think that you have a pretty good song but there ...
Jun 22, 2010 -
Re: Mark Twain
I thought that your paper on Mark Twain was okay but, it was a little bit like an info dump. In the paper you have a overwhelming amount of information ...
Jun 21, 2010 -
Re: a moment of realisation, edit
Is this a single chapter of a larger story? I think that your story needs to come to a point because as the reader I feel like I have just ...
Jun 21, 2010
