enjeru

Wow. That was really amazing. I really like the description at the beginning, very graphic. It never lasts more that fifteen minutes. Shedding skin, I call it. It´s a bit ...

very good for a rough draft. the beginning hooked me, but like the other people said, about the wound, it seems more like an animal wound than a vampire bite. ...

Had someone told Johnny [s]that[/s] “[s]Can[/s] Could you please take Sandra Tscarediway to 57 Rosebend Avenue?” was a question to which he should answer no if he valued his peace ...

hey there!!! ------PROLOGUE----- At the outskirts of the mountain range was the largest of them all, largest mountain? be a tad bit clearer here... The sunrise fell onto it in ...

okey-dokey... I stopped at the foot of the stairs , listening to an impossible conversation [s]upstairs[/s]. comma there, and the second 'upstairs' is just redundant. :) You could use something ...

pretty good. I liked it. your character seems a bit sheltered, if you ask me. but i'm guessing that's just part of the story. everyone else caught already what I ...

w00t!! go vampires!!! (and werewolves....i can never pick between them...>.>) very good. love the description, although it could use a little more, and not just in the alleyway. That night ...

first impression: wow. you really get into character, which can be a difficult thing to do at times. I love the witty personality. I also love your description; it's absolutely ...

Never served its purpose. She wore grey, white and black, and kept her skin covered even her long fingered hands. there should be a comma after covered . sounds pretty ...

very good potential, but there is one thing: show, don't tell. it's pretty self-explanetory. the MC is telling what happened. Why not put them (or someone else) in the action ...

yep. pretty good for a fisrt pice. you have some real talent there!! like the others said, you might want to stretch it out a bit, and showing IS a ...

w00t!! goooo Twilight!! Go Edward!!! its very nice...but....(there's always a but...) the line: I tried to hide behind a curtain of hair so I couldn't see its longer than the ...

wow...you got me hooked from the first sentence. this might be just something that annoys me, but you tend to start your paragraphs with articles. It kind of dulls it. ...

Pretty good, except what the others have said. It's a little dry, not much description. But a good first shot. also... “Do I have a gift,” the boy asked with ...

awesome. i like your imagery. and its very interesting how you used 'she' to describe. not many people put a werewolf in the female gender. i ocmmend you. ^_^ *round ...