The first two entries in a much longer story
Saturday, August 30, 2008
I wonder if it’s possible to feel more nervous than I am right now. I mean, starting college and moving out of your parents’ house are both things that can make a person really nervous. This week, I am doing both. The school I chose, St. Lawrence College, is in Cornwall, and that is about five hours away from Union Station in Toronto. Mom and I spent most of the say at the train station or on the train.
Mom passed out right after dinner. I’m sure I’m at least as tired as she is, but there is no way I’d be able to sleep now, not the way I’m feeling. My life is about to change in so many ways. I won’t even be able to take my laundry home for the weekend. That is the cliché for college students, especially first years. Then again, I’ve never been one for doing things the way everyone else does.
Mom gave me this journal while we were waiting in line to get onto the train. She said that it was a good-bye/early birthday present. Since I’m going to be so far away that phone calls will be too expensive to make all the time, when I can’t talk to her, I can talk to this book.
This is my first journal. Gotta admit it is helping me feel a little bit better. Still, it’s not doing anything to make me less nervous. Starting at a new school has never exactly been a wonderful experience for me. Maybe I’ll write about that later, when there is nothing important going on, but not now. If I focus on that stuff, I’m bound to have a big anxiety attack, and that is the last thing I want to happen. First impressions like that could ruin the whole year for me. College has to be better than high school was.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
If it’s even possible, I’m more tired today than I was yesterday. Since I won’t be going home every weekend, I had to pack almost all my clothes. I definitely brought too many clothes for the number of hangers I have. But Dad will be up on Tuesday, bringing my computer to help me set it up. He can take me shopping, maybe even get enough food to fill this great mini-fridge.
Mom left as soon as she finished helping me carry my bags in. The train back to Toronto left at 10:59, and she was on it. She figured it would force me to be more social and ease the transition if I didn’t have her to cling to all day.
It’s enough to make me feel so sick with nervousness I could throw up, but I have to do it. For lunch, they had a barbecue for all the new residents and their parents. I even got to meet a really nice woman who might be one of my teachers.
Cornwall is probably one of the prettiest towns in Ontario. Who wouldn’t think that when you’ve got a view of the St. Lawrence River from your room? Even if there is a parking lot between the window and the river. It’s so glittery, you would almost think that--
Never mind. That’s also something I’m not ready to put down on paper. If anyone got their hands on this journal and read it would just think I have a good imagination, anyway. I do, but I’ll stick to writing about current realities for now.
The residence here is nothing like what I imagined, not even close. A normal residence (they call it rez) building usually has hundreds of rooms for two people. This one has all private or “semi-private rooms”. The ones that are semi-private are joined by a shared bathroom. And instead of hundreds of rooms, there are only 44, all in the same building as most of my classes. One of the security guards said that last year people went to class in their pyjamas. I doubt I’ll have the courage to do that.
There is one thing I do have the courage to do. That is to go upstairs. That's where the common room is. The plan for the day ends with a movie set at a college. Not really my thing, but it’s one thing I can do to make college better than high school was.
pretty good. I liked it. your character seems a bit sheltered, if you ask me. but i'm guessing that's just part of the story. everyone else caught already what I saw, and some of what I didn't. ~.^ It's got a slight monotone to it, however. The character is just telling you that they're scared to go to college. Kind of show more how they feel. But over all, it's extemely well written for a rough draft. I like the journal syle. Always loved it, but never able to write that way. >.> keep it up!!
Rekuen wrote:I like your writing style, but I think a much longer story full of similar entries would get boring rather fast. You need some sort of a "hook" to keep your readers interested.
The problem with journal style stuff is that conversation is really hard to make interesting and realistic, since you can't describe characters on the spur of the moment like you can with other styles.
I like your writing style, but I think a much longer story full of similar entries would get boring rather fast. You need some sort of a "hook" to keep your readers interested.
The problem with journal style stuff is that conversation is really hard to make interesting and realistic, since you can't describe characters on the spur of the moment like you can with other styles.
This is all going to be reworked. I'm determined to make this a journal, but it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.
I might be too late for this to be noticed, but I want to comment on it.
I Liked this, it shows really well, felling. I Love the way it is like a journal, you get more personality from a journal perspective. The story is not as... well interesting once you get into other characters, but there are always ways to deal with that. But besides my little rant here, I Like it, I sure most of the errors were caught so... To end, I will say. Excellent job.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
I wonder if it’s possible to feel more nervous than I am right now. I mean, starting college and moving out of your parents’ house are both things that can make a person really nervous. This week, I am doing both. The school I chose, St. Lawrence College, is in Cornwall, and that is about five hours away from Union Station in Toronto. Mom and I spent most of the say at the train station or on the train.
Right, but what is this character feeling, and don’t say nerves. When I’m personally nervous, many things happen to my body at once or in intervals depending on the situation. For one, I can’t stop fiddling with something with my hands. It can be my shirt I’m twisting in knots, my hair or I sometimes have a tendency to chew on my T-shirt collar. (Gross, I know). Compulsion for me – can’t help it. Does your char have a compulsive habit since they react so easily to nervousness? I also can’t look someone in the eye for some strange reason, nor divert my attention to one solid object. Rather, I’m shifting my concentration level by looking at random objects from one to another quickly. Show us exactly how your character’s body is reacting.I’m sure I’m at least as tired as she is, but there is no way I’d be able to sleep now, not the way I’m feeling.
Why should I care about Cornwall? What makes it so special and why is it pretty? Is it a tropical paradise to you personally? Are there gardens or misty mountains? Explain further please by showing us.Cornwall is probably one of the prettiest towns in Ontario.
The notebook phone is an intriguing concept. I’ve never heard of that metaphor before. I can’t think of much else to say since the chapter is short, but if I do, I’ll be sure to rant some more. Hehe…
- Just a typo here.. I think you meant "day", not "say".Mom and I spent most of the say at the train station or on the train.
- How will the computer help her set up? Or did you mean that her dad was also going to help her set up? Be more clear here. It's confusing. The way it reads right now, it looks like she expects the computer to help her set up.But Dad will be up on Tuesday, bringing my computer to help me set it up.
-Again, the sentence is confusing. More because the first part and the last don't exactly match. Try removing the "If" and inserting "who" after "anyone". I think that would make it clearer.If anyone got their hands on this journal and read it would just think I have a good imagination, anyway.
Hey Rei! *waves*
Meep, journal-style story. Just a forewarning, they tend to bug me and my opinions tend to come out biased. Advance apologies. xD
This week, I’m am doing both.
Mom and I spent most of the say at the train station or on the train.
Most of the day*College has t be better than high school was.
Never mind. That’s also something I’m not ready to put down on paper. If anyone got their hands on this journal and read it would just think I have a good imagination, anyway. I do, but I’ll stick to writing about current realities for now.
And instead of hundreds of rooms, all in the same room as most of my classes.
Rei wrote:And in Canada, pyjamas is spelled with the Y.
Sorry, I hadn't realized.
You do have a point, pickle, I should add that the long distance would cost too much, which is why she won't always be able to call.
It's actually intentional that I don't reveal right away why it's in this section. In the next couple of entries I hint at why before really jumping into the fantasy element I thought the slow reveal was better suited to this story.
This is my first go at the format, and I have been struggling on what should be done as entries and what shouldn't. Since it's going to be non-linear, whenever I veer of the main time-line, that isn't going to be a journal entry, but other than that, I'm not sure.
And in Canada, pyjamas is spelled with the Y.
Yeah, Aedomir pointed out those spelling errors and such, so I'll just go on what's left.
Perhaps you should make it a little clearer in these first entries why this is in Fantasy Fiction. I understand that there's something a little odd with the MC, but I want a little more info. I want a biographical bit, so the reader understand the character better.
Oh, and why can't the MC call home from five hours away? I'm a little lost on that. Maybe it's a different Time Zone or something, but still, one or two hours doesn't make that much of a difference.
That's it, thanks, and I liked it overall!
"pyjamas" should be "pajamas"One of the security guards said that last year people went to class in their pyjamas.
Oh well, hopefully my opinion will still help you some.
Hiya!
five ours away
I spent most of the say at the train station or on the train.
College has t be better
nervousness
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