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Young Writers Society



Banshee

by StellaThomas


“Sh, Skye, you have to be quiet. If you sing, they‘ll hear us”.

Skye whimpered but pressed her hand to her mouth. It was so hard.

Outside, they were dying, and she was forbidden even to sing.

“Skye, please.”

Indigo crouched down beside her and pressed her hands into his. “You’re cold.” he whispered.

She shook her head. “I’m always this heat.” she said.

Outside there was a scream. Skye bit her lip and shut her eyes, which were watering from the effort silence needed. Indigo looked concerned.

“Can’t you help it?” he asked.

She clamped her mouth close tighter to make sure no sound escaped and shook her head.

“Maybe we should go out. We’ll have a better chance of getting away than if they find us in here.”

She opened her mouth a fraction to say “The others.”

“We can’t help them now Skye. It was their choice. They chose to fight…They chose to die.”

Out of her eye squeezed a very real, full silvery tear which fell to the ground. “But…”

“No buts. Death is…it’s what we’re all about. The Undead. Please. It’s not your fault.”

“It is, Indigo.” she said, shaking. “It is. It’s my fault and nothing will change it.”

“Listen to me!” he said grabbing her shoulders. “It is not your fault. It’s just the way it goes, Skye. It’s just the way it goes.”

It was just the way it went.

*

SINGERS/MUSICIANS WANTED. APPLY WITHIN.

That was the notice up on the steamy coffee shop window. Skye smiled and wondered if she should apply.

She pulled the charcoal shawl she had over her hair a little tighter in the nippy November air, shut her eyes and spread her mind out into the shop.

Yes, there he was. Not very old. About forty maybe. A smoker. He had survived lung cancer but he was not expecting the heart attack that would hit tomorrow. It would be fatal.

He was unmarried. He was planning on going out with a few of his mates tonight. He’d get back one-ish. Maybe with a pretty girl. Skye knew that was an empty hope. Unless of course, he counted the one that would be keening on his rooftop.

She smiled to her reflection in the mirror the window made as this thought came. The hip length hair customary to her kind was in her case thin and white blonde. Her eyes were wide and green. She was slender, although that wasn’t hard to achieve, starving perhaps would have been a better word. She could taste food, but it never really filled her up. Never served its purpose. She wore grey, white and black, and kept her skin covered even her long fingered hands. Though the paleness of her hands might not bother anyone, the bloodstains from doing the laundry of the dead might.

Her hands twitched instinctively under the finely made soft grey leather gloves. She moved to the door of the shop and went in.

She sat down two tables away from the dying man. He was fingering a newspaper. At the next table were a very much in love couple. At the one beside that was group of giggling schoolgirls.

Skye looked at them wistfully. She should be in that group right now. Laughing with some fellow teenagers. So, she had been alive for several hundred years, but never had she stopped yearning for company.

She just didn’t fit in anywhere. She had tried, back in the eighteenth century. She decided to give up. She couldn’t take it anymore. She had become a lady’s maid.

That had lasted all of three days. Then one of the farm hands decided to die. And Skye went out to keen. It had been a miracle they hadn’t caught her. She had left the next morning and had never tried going against nature again.

She absent-mindedly looked at the little menu stood on the table as a waiter moved over, waiting for her.

“A latte and a-”

She stopped short and listened to his thoughts for less than a second, taking a long blink.

Fullmoontonightfullmoontonighthavetogetouthaveto-

Shut up! I can’t hear the shop, shut up, shut up!

Two sets of thoughts in his head. And one wasn’t human.

But no. No, they hadn’t been around for years. Surely not this far into a city.

“Ma’am?” he asked unsurely.

She looked up. He was dark, tall, broad, with indigo eyes.

“Are you alright ma’am?” he asked, feeling nervous under her stare.

She uttered one word.

“Werewolf.”

*

He hurried away and came back with her latte, and another. He sat down, almost as pale as her.

“How did you know?”

She breathed slowly. “Your thoughts. There are two of them. One’s animal, one’s person.”

He frowned. “You can read thoughts?”

“Look at me. What do you think I am?”

He frowned. She sighed and unbuttoned the old fashioned glove at her wrist. She heard a small intake of breath from her companion.

The abnormally long and white fingers of her hand were blotched the brightest red in places, especially in the cracks where finger met knuckle, and on the soft curve of her thumb.

“Banshee,” he whispered.

Skye nodded and slipped the glove back on.

“I’ve never met one before,” he said. “I’ve seen vampires on the street, I’ve lived with a warlock, and zombies, I’ve even spoken to a yeti up in the mountains, but…I thought you were only a legend.”

“And I thought you were extinct. Were you born or bitten?”

“Bitten.” he answered. “When I was five.”

“Your parents?”

“I don’t know. My first transformation I ran and could never find my way back. Then Phoenix took me in.”

“Phoenix? The warlock on James Street?”

“You know him?”

She rolled her eyes. “Every supernatural in a hundred mile radius knows him. He’s helped us all out at some point. Good guy.”

He nodded.

“I’m Skye, by the way.”

“Indigo,” he answered.

She looked at the man three tables over once again. Indigo very slowly

turned and followed her gaze.

“He’s about to have a heart attack,” she said. “I’m about to go do his laundry.”

He raised his eyebrows in scorn. “Do you do it for everyone?”

“No. Only those in certain families. And only those who believe.”

“How do they catch a glimpse of you though, and then you’re gone?”

“The cloak. Each banshee has one pitch black cloak, it makes you disappear, makes you silent, makes your burdens as light as a feather. It’s good when I have to carry round a wash basin.”

“You have it easy.” he murmured. She took a moment to look inside his head.

Getawaygetawaygetawaynotnaturalnotnaturalnotnatural.

She seems fine to me. And she’s having a hard time of it.

“Your wolf self doesn’t approve of me.” she said sadly.

“Well I don’t approve of him.” he answered.

“But shouldn’t you be getting out of the city? Soon?”

“Yeah, I’m going to the mountains tonight.”

“You should go,” she said taking a nervous glance out the window. “It’s nearly dark.”

He stared at her. “You’re frightened of me.” he stated.

“No, but I still think you should go. Your shift’s over.”

“Fine.” he said standing up and throwing some change on the table. “I

know when I’m not wanted.”

“No, it’s not that.” said Skye, suddenly desperate for him not to go. She couldn’t remember the last time she had had a conversation with anybody. “Look-”

She snatched the pen he used to take orders out of his back jean pocket and grabbed his hand to begin scribbling.

“That’s my phone number,” she said. “I’m living in the little flat above the butcher’s on Queen’s Street. Just ask for Skye.”

He goggled at her. “You really want to see me again?”

“Indigo, I haven’t spoken to anyone in months. Not properly. Years even. And I just had a full blown discussion with you. I’m not letting you walk out that door and never see you again.”

He paused for a moment and then gave her a huge warm grin.

“Call me after full moon alright? I have some washing to do. But first, I’m

going to go apply for this singing position, I’m running out of cash.”

Author's Note: I wrote this quite a while ago when I was bored. I'm not sure where I'm going with it but if you like I will continue. Please leave some crit to make me dance.


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Sun Feb 17, 2008 6:38 pm
StellaThomas says...



I have written a little more and I have a plot planned out (Faeries versus the Undead, who'd've thought I'd be on the Undead's side...) I'm currently working on quite a few other things, so it might be a while. But yeah. Thanks for reading!




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Sun Feb 17, 2008 6:35 pm
Pickle810 wrote a review...



That story was disturbing in a good way, if you can understand. I like the way you think about the dialogue, and understand the character. The story's that kind of tale that seems like it could stand as a short story or fit somewhere else into a book. Aside from some small grammatical mistakes, like commas, apostrophes, etc., which I'm sure you've already spotted, I was wondering if you could add a bit more about what she sees in other people, about her lifestyle and such. I'm not sure how it would complicate the story, that's something only you can see, but I'd like to know a bit more about Skye and Indigo.

I hope you write more from this genre/type/setting, because it was really enjoyable to read!




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Thu Feb 14, 2008 8:28 pm
Heatherish says...



hehe no thats perfectly fine, if i took the time to go back to every site i had my work up and change all the mistakes on all of them...lets just say it would be mayhem.

anyway, thank you for answering the questions, it definitely clears some things up but it seems like banshee's are a little on the mysterious side anyway...

and i truly hope you keep writing and when you post more, i will find the time to go back through it if you want....hope you didnt think i was being too mean with my comments. i really wasnt trying to be.

anyway, good luck! and write fast!




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Thu Feb 14, 2008 7:56 pm
StellaThomas says...



Hey thanks!

In answer to your questions:

-keen (I've had this discussion on the Eragon thread too) is a type of singing. It originated in Connaught and in Scotland. It's something only women can do, a type of singing from your stomach. It's supposed to have come from the sound of the banshee's cry, done at funerals etc.

-Skye (in my opinion) looks young, but anywhere between 15 and 25, she can make herself look younger or older within that gap by dressing differently etc.

-I have a feeling she eats for the sake of it, also in the case of coming to the coffee shop, so as not to feel out of place...

-Yes, they do wash the laundry of the dead. It's a legend that some people, before they die, will see a banshee ashing their bloodstained clothes.

Thanks for picking up all my mistakes! Just to tell you I am changing them all in the original document, but I won't be changing them on here until I think I've caught them all (with all your lovely help)...




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Thu Feb 14, 2008 7:23 pm
Heatherish wrote a review...



Hey!! Since you so graciously reviewed for me, I decided to return the favor!!

Here's what I have so far:

She smiled to her reflection in the mirror the window made as this thought came.


that sentence is just a little awkward. maybe just leave out "in the mirror" so it reads "her reflection the window made..." just a suggestion.

question: what is "keen" maybe im just dumb...

question: if food doesnt fill her or satisfy her, does she still eat it? does she need to eat at all?

question: what is all this talk about doing the dead's laundry? is that something banshee's do? what do banshee's do? they have always interested me but i dont know anything about them. please enlighten me if you will...

At the next table were a very much in love couple.


another slightly awkward sentence. i would have it read: at the next table a couple that i could tell was very much in love. or you could leave out the "i could tell" part, but it seems like she would be able to tell...

She absent-mindedly looked at the little menu that stood on the table as a waiter moved over, waiting for her.


He hurried away and came back with her latte, and another.


and another what? latte? for whom? himself? just reword the sentence, thats all

It’s good when I have to carry around a wash basin.


question: how old is Skye suppose to be/look?

thats all!! i like the story a lot. it is very interesting and unique. i really hope you continue with this story because i would love to read more of it!




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Sat Jan 26, 2008 10:42 pm
StellaThomas says...



Thanks for noticing the comma. And gawd, did I actually write that adjective overload? Sorry guys, my editing skills aren't up to scratch, I guess that's the way with all of us when it comes to our own work...

Thanks for reading!




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Sat Jan 26, 2008 9:53 pm
enjeru wrote a review...



Never served its purpose. She wore grey, white and black, and kept her skin covered even her long fingered hands.


there should be a comma after covered.

sounds pretty good. maybe a little dry, but a great first attempt.

i love the whole "washing the dead's clothes" idea. neve rreally read up on banshees, os i don't know if this is common practice. and werewolves!!! love them. ^_^

you should keep this up. i like how it's going.

~enjeru




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Sat Jan 26, 2008 9:36 pm
zankoku_na_tenshi wrote a review...



Hi there! This is a pretty good start, I'm really interested to see what happens next and learn more about your characters! I really like Skye, she seems like an interesting MC, and the world of the supernatural you've created is very interesting as well. ^_^

There were a few bits that seemed a little awkward.

Skye bit her lip and shut her eyes, which were watering from the effort silence needed.

Perhaps "the effort of silence" or something similar would flow better?

kept her skin covered even her long fingered hands.

I think you need a comma after "covered."

Her hands twitched instinctively under the finely made soft grey leather gloves.
This may be a case of the pot calling the kettle black, but I think you may want to axe some of those adjectives. Four adjectives in front of one noun is just... a lot. and does it matter if the gloves are finely-made? Or leather? Or soft? Or even grey? Also, if you're going to keep "Finely made" then it should be hyphenated. ^_^

Overall, I thought the part in the beginning suffered from a teeny bit too little description-- I couldn't tell what was going on. At all. But Im tired, so that may just be me. XD

It's a great start, I like your voice, story concept, and characters a lot. And yes, I would rather like to read more. ^_^ (Only if you'd like to write more, of course. XD)




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Sat Jan 26, 2008 6:45 pm
StellaThomas says...



Thanks. I did miss those out, I'll switch them now... to tell the truth, I just unearthed this and I can't really think what plot I had in mind! There's a bit more which I didn't put up as well.

No, it's set in the present day, but she's lived through all the centuries...




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Sat Jan 26, 2008 4:20 pm
Aedomir wrote a review...



Very interesting to read! I really liked the way that you didn't say whay people were dying outside, and the way the scene just skipped between the first two.

She shook her head. “I’m always this heat.” she said.


'Heat' sounds strange here, maybe 'temperature' or 'cold' is what you want. The again you might want something different like 'I'm always like this' or something

Outside there was a scream.


*yawns* how boring. You need something more vibrant and exciting like 'A piercing scream shot in from outside'

He was unmarried. He was planning on going out with a few of his mates tonight. He’d get back one-ish.


He he he... I know you're trying not to give anything away, but even so, try joining a couple together:

'He was planning on going out with a few of his mates tonight and geting back about one-ish.'

The rest is more of the same, but I generally liked it.

I reckon it has potential, just be careful how you word some things.

I like the undead theme, it seems to appeal to me. So is this set in the 18th century? Or was that just me misreading?
Anyway, interesting plot you have going, only continue if you think you will enjoy writing it!





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