electricbluemonkey

Well, I used freetranslation.com, which translated it word for word, so I really can't critique it. But I liked it...I think. I like the part about syrup and the smooth ...

Wow, that's certantly interesting. :) For at a fellow employee's desk I do eat thee, while she, I test I don't understand... I think he means, at his employee's desk ...

They say there’s gold beyond the rainbow Beyond the liquid crystals. Add a comma after rainbow. But...hmm, beyond the rainbow. I've never heard of beyond the rainbow. I say people’s ...

You might want to add some stanza spacing in a lot of places, that way it'll be better on the eyes. It would also provide a better flow. It's Mr. ...

Now I know what I'm going to vote for in next year's YWS Awards. Like Sam, I will point out some strong points, and some really strong weak points Stoking ...

Bubblejuice? That just sounds plain dirty. Good word choice, although some are unnecessary. Unspoken words, a thousand to think of, each chinks of ice thinning my blood; Replace ze semi-colon ...

Personally, I don't like the 'big words'. They just seem so empty, like you just had a field day with a dictionary and sought out random words. The pain is ...

I agree with niteowl on the spacing, but I don't think you should add any more punctuation. I enjoy reading poems without punctuation; it keeps me aware, and it really ...

Yeah, as xanthan said, the first 6 sentences or so are really good, nice rhythm and word choice. But then the spacing starts being annoying. men want to shoot out ...

Wow, this is good. Enjoyable, and with a very meaningful message. Is this self-preservation? This dog-love-dog-hate-dog world? Something tells me that somewhere in my schedule, between totalitarian ps

Ah, this is good. Nice word choice and spacing. Very dirty indeed. sitting in this too-small recliner with your shoulder covering mine and your lips nearing mine , I loved ...

A storm approaches, a gale to strip me of my childhood. I can feel it like the tension in a room, before the exchange of angry words. You should take ...

You should seriously get this published. I don't really like the last two lines in the first stanza. They just don't flow. The last two lines (of the whole poem) ...

Yes. This is what I like. A lot better than 'For Maggie'. Word choice is great. We flip through the days like old magazines : the mornings brush languidly into ...

This is amazing. Great work, CL. Some parts were very confusing (last sentence in 2nd stanza), but I guess its because I've never seen the play. shattered now on the ...