) There's just one minor mistake I saw:
Yes. This is what I like. A lot better than 'For Maggie'. Word choice is great.
Incandescence wrote:We flip through the days
like old magazines: the mornings
brush languidly into the stifling stillness
of summer nights.
Not sure what the colon is there for, but I'm guessing you're describing one of the things you would talk about. If I was you, I would replace it with a period, or maybe a semicolon. Or, would leave the colon and write: "how the mornings brushed languidly into the stifling stillness of summer nights."
Incandescence wrote:"like dreams where you love hard and in the morning
it dissipates into the atmosphere,
but you know it's there, and you just
have to let it go..."
One of my favorite parts, but the "like dreams..." line is pretty confusing. It would be much more powerful if it was divided like this:
"like dreams where you love hard
and in the morning it dissipates into the atmosphere
and you know it's there,
and you just have to let it go..."
The ending of the whole poem though...is so abrupt. It just leaves us hanging. I dont know, it just...doesn't satisfy.
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