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  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Freeway

    If you have to tell us what the poem about it means it's not strong enough to stand on it's own without the help. Maybe fix that, because if I ...

    May 13, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Happy Birthday

    Wow, a very wonderful uniqueness in this. I thought this would be some cheerful poem, but you instead made it chilling even mortifying. This has so many undertones. I wish ...

    May 13, 2008
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Alone

    Um... this is just too confusing for me. You switch people so much, I had no idea what was going on. Otherwise leading to a splitting headache and the feeling ...

    May 13, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: The long road home

    Hmm, too complex, sounds counter-productive, it just went on a bit too much, droning on and I barely got the end if I even I did. The lack of any ...

    May 13, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: mother!

    Right, this poem isn't even close to original, and worse it's angst ridden. You need to use puntuation. Otherwise it looks untidy and messy. The whole idea is lack much ...

    May 13, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Stubborn Lover

    It is unique in some ways, but you make a grave error, you tell us, rather than showing us. You should always show instead of tell. It's merit is uniqueness, ...

    May 13, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, General Re: Wasteland: Prologue

    Your major problem here is making sure puntuation and grammar are sound. You very often mispell words, making it less coigizant. As Teoffany pointed out, telling against showing is one ...

    May 12, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Steve the Goldfish

    Um... whoa... I'm pretty sure this isn't some happy ditty from what I read, but really the meaning just went *whoosh* right over me head. I'm guessing the fish represents ...

    May 12, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: A Wacky Riddle Poem

    Hehe, that's pretty funny, I never felt it needlessy dragged on, I loved how it did that, it reminded me of someone playing mindgames. It's unique :). Very. I can't ...

    May 12, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Faith

    Faith A fleur-de-lys illuminates above, as the light of the rising day (Illuminates and light too simalar, change it so it's not so repetive.) shines through the windowpanes. The doves ...

    May 12, 2008
  • Lyrics » General, General Re: Your True Name

    A/N: All of the italicized words/phrases are spoken. BELLA Damned... so cold… almost gone. Dread spreading on. (My advice is you listen to Eponine or Fantine death, this seems too ...

    May 11, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Truly Alive

    I like this poem mostly it was well written, this stanza here though: And when the dream still lingers above me when the morning sun hits my blankets, in that ...

    May 11, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: In war, victory is a vision

    I disagree with lin night... this poem works well with the wordiness I saw a ton of imagery, the title caught my eye but I love how ya made the ...

    May 11, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Let It Go

    Oh god... teenage angst... telling us a lovely story but never showing us. Lovely... this is nothing new, not near, it's a series of feelings but no worthwhile tangible ones. ...

    May 11, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: deleted.

    It is to be fair unique but still you use a lot of cliches which weaken it. Love poems generally not a good idea until you can approach it with ...

    May 11, 2008


The grand in the hotel rings with broken tunes; the guests frown; the concierge winces. But the blue-hatted boy is happy and braver than they.
— TheMythMaster