Published May 11, 2008
I wrote this poem on night when I was thinking about my two friends, Shaun and Sierra, and what they are going through with each other right now. The poem is written from Shaun's point of view.
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Let It Go
our love was so perfect,
or so I had thought
you told me you loved me,
when really you never did
you were leading me on,
not caring what happened to me
then suddenly you left me
and said you didn't even like me
you broke my heart
then left me for dead
so this I want to know:
why is it,
I still love you,
and even when you no longer remember
I know I always will
why is it,
after all that you've done to me
I would still take you back,
knowing you will do it all again
I still don't understand it.
But this I do know:
I can't take it much longer,
this pain from your lies.
you broke me apart
and made me pick up the pieces
I can see you are gone,
but that hasn't changed a thing.
I cannot seem to let you go,
nor this dream of our special love.
I cannot get back to my life before you,
the life I know how to survive.
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141,488 Literary Works • 674,524 Reviews
Thank you. I've both seen this and experienced it myself, so it wasn't a hard topic to write about. Although, writing it from Shaun's perspective kinda surprised me. It seems to have turned out well enough, but it does need some work.
This was good. I really enjoyed reading it.
Letting it go... Something some of us can't do.
It's a real issue for some teens as well.
Not being able to let it go drives some to do stupid things. The depression eats at them, slowly.
I liked this part.
'I cannot seem to let you go,
nor this dream of our special love. '
And this part too.
'I cannot get back to my life before you,
the life I know how to survive. '
Keep on writing! ^^
Oh god... teenage angst... telling us a lovely story but never showing us. Lovely... this is nothing new, not near, it's a series of feelings but no worthwhile tangible ones. Love poems need to be rare or unique. Break-up poems or any other feeling associated with love the same. I'd rather not read some story about why and how? It's not even original. Woe is me. Poor me... it's contrived. Barely original.
It's bung full of cliches, and sadly I can find nothing memoable or worth giving merit too.
Overall: You've a long way to go, don't tell us a story unless you plan to show it. Get rid of cliches and try and be original in structure and ideas. Choose something and show it better.
Good luck
VSN
It's a good thing that you critique your own work!
Then you maybe understand better what the others are talking about.
To the poem.
"so this I want to know:"
"But this I do know:"
I found these lines a little irritating because of the wording. It would sound better if you wrote "this" in the end of the line, somehow.
"you broke me apart
and made me pick up the pieces"
My favourite lines.
Nice job
Keep up!
Demeter
Thank you. I do think I could have ended it better though. And made it flow easier.
Heh, nice, I'm critiquing my own poem.
That was amazing!!!! It was wonderful!!!!! I just about cried! It's so sad and sweet! I absolutely love it.
Only problem I saw was in the second stanzas (or third) you had "dont" instead of "don't"
It was amazing! Keep writing.
Jamie